OK, apologies as I posted this 4 years ago but on the 40th anniversary (40 years!!?) of the Pirates Barons Christmas classic I thought I would post it again.

We lived in the best of times and sometimes it is good to get right back to where we started from…

As a Pirates fan back in the 80's, I always get a bit nostalgic on the 23rd of December. To all those who played the game thanks for the memories...Yes we were entertained.

In the mid to late 80’s I followed Ice Hockey (Christ time really does fly!) My life pretty much revolved around the Peterborough Pirates. It was during a particularly dull football match at London Road (home of the Mighty Posh) that my friend Darryl suggested I go to the ice hockey, a new team had been formed called the Pirates and they played at Bretton. So that Sunday I joined Darryl and a few others at the ice rink where I watched the Pirates destroy Deeside Dragons, I was hooked. A guy in a blue helmet was skating rings around everyone, turned out he was a Canadian called John Lawless and during the game it seemed that he scored when he liked.  Literally, Lawless was the smallest player on the ice but in terms of talent he was head and shoulders above the rest. “Alouette, gentille alouette, alouette je te plumerai’’

For the next 5 years ice hockey pretty much became my religion and during that first season a rivalry began with Solihull Barons that would lead to some of my best memories in sport.

The thing about those years and everyone who was around at the time will say the same was that we were like one big family. The players the fans, sponsors and management, we all mixed together. As a fan the weekends would be spent watching hockey, socialising and having sing-songs in the bar,  travelling all around the country for away games, on long trips north players and fans would be on the same bus. During the week we would meet up at various places and talk about hockey. The favourite meeting points were Hereward Video Library, (Hereward Video Library sponsored the Pirates it was owned and run by Eddie and Peggy Porter who were both lovely people) the Nip in Café and the legendary Wayward Frog.

For me the stand out season was 84/85. During the week I worked in a betting office, S&D turf accountants, at the weekends everything was geared to the ice hockey. Me, Darryl, Blayne, Rob and many others would usually arrive at the rink a couple of hours before the game started. Being there early was part of the ritual, being in the queue, ensuring that we got our space in our corner of the rink, the Animal Korner. Now I am one of those people who always feels a bit of an outsider, a bit detached I think this stems from, insecurity, a lack of self-confidence and from the fact I was and still am rubbish with women, however despite this, in my own way, I made more friends following hockey than at any point in my life. The inhabitants of the Korner at that time included Mark, Rocky, Steve B (with his ridiculous red patent shoes) a variety of Gary’s, Kev’s and John’s The Baxters, Cheryl, whose famous pink leather dress later made an appearance in my novel ('THE CAGING OF GEORGE JAMES' available at Amazon! No pressure 🙂) BIG Steve and BIG Mick, Liz, Tonka, Granny, Steve Z, Neal, Mandy  Audrey, Tanya, Julie and many more.

That season revolved around, without doubt, the best sporting rivalry I have been a part of. At the start of the season we felt we had a real chance of winning the league but we had to overcome the Solihull Barons. Their chairman was ITV sports presenter Gary Newbon and their main players were three Canadians Mark Budz,  Chuck Taylor (who us Pirates fans loved to hate) and Solihull had also recruited a player with a big reputation called Dean Vogelsang. Outside of Peterborough the Barons were everyone’s favourites to win the league that year, they were a talented aggressive side and were clear favourites. Pirates had also added to their squad though and we had high hopes for a successful season. We had signed a Canadian defenceman called Shannon Hope. The first time I saw him play I reckoned we had a great chance of becoming champions. For me Hope was just magic, he was graceful, always had time on the puck, in my eyes he was class. Hockey is all speed and hustle and bustle, Hope played the game with an apparent nonchalant style that was a joy to watch. We had also signed a guy called Roy Micks who scored seven goals in a pre- season friendly and then promptly returned home to Canada. Micks was replaced by goal poacher extraordinaire, Alcide ‘El Cid’ Jutras.

Disappointingly, Pirates were beaten at home by Solihull in an early season Cup game, a feature of the matches between the two sides was the noise generated by just a couple of thousand people, it was unbelievable. At the end of the game even though we had lost I was convinced we could beat them next time. As myself and my mate, the infamous Blayne Scroggins, were making our way to the bar we spotted Gary Newbon. I walked up to my fellow Gary and informed him that I felt we were certainly going to defeat his team at Christmas time, when we went to Solihull for the league match. ‘’We’re gonna fucking do you at Christmas.’’ Is what I said. (I was young and a bit over excited...my vocabulary and manners were not all they could have been)

As the season progressed both Pirates and Solihull went win for win both beating any team put in front of them. Pirates were playing great hockey but for me what stood out at that time was a togetherness on and off the ice. Solihull may well have been rolling over every team they played but they had no idea what Pirates had in store for them that Christmas… On the 23rd of December 1984 The Pirates and several bus loads of supporters rocked up at Hobs Moat Road the home of Solihull Barons, one of the teams was going to lose their 100% record.

In the weeks leading up to that game it was all us hockey folk could talk about, there was far greater excitement surrounding the game than the imminent arrival of Santa Claus. I spent my spare time tearing up kitchen tin foil into tiny pieces to create a Christmassy style tik-a-tak welcome for when the teams took to the ice. That does sound a bit gay doesn’t it, it’s probably why I never had a bird!

The atmosphere in Solihull that night was just brilliant we took over one side of the rink and made as much noise as we could before the game.  The Barons fans were also in full voice and the level of sound was insane. As the teams came out, we sprayed silly string, let off party poppers and the tik-a-tak that I had prepared was hurled into the air amid a cacophony of noise. We all have times in our lives that live forever, moments we can look back on that always make us smile, this was one of those moments, one of those nights. Within 20 seconds of the game starting a Scotsman called Kenny McKie provided me with one of my most vivid memories in sport as he slid on his knees towards the crowd, big smile on his face and his blond locks cascading from beneath his helmet (it was 40 years ago!) after putting Pirates in front. The supporters went crazy…mental…off our fucking heads. There was no looking back Barons were rattled, they lost their discipline. After every goal that went in we jumped up punched the air sang and hugged. I got more physical contact that night than I had in my previous 19 years on the planet! At times it was so loud you could actually see sound waves as you looked out onto the ice. We taunted the Solihull players and fans... we danced with delight when Dean Vogelsang got a match penalty and then, just to cap things off… Elwyn Dawkins put Chuck Taylor on his arse! Pirates eventually won the game by 7 goals I can’t remember if it was 11-4 or 13-6 (it was 40 years ago!) I say won the game we destroyed Solihull that night, took them apart in their own rink, it was glorious. By the time we got on the bus to go home we all had grins permanently etched on our faces and we sank into our seats physically drained, hoarse but happy. As we drove home through the quiet winter roads with Springsteen and Meat Loaf playing in the background I personally felt like I had a ready-brek glow going on.

On the 24th of December 1984 I woke up with my silly grin still in place. My Mum, who was still a tad puzzled as to where her kitchen foil had gone, brought me a cup of tea, took one look at me and said, 'I take it they won then?' Sometimes she could be remarkably perceptive! I tried to answer but had to make do with nodding and giving her a thumbs up sign as I had no voice left. I have had many enjoyable times watching sport, Italia 90, Peterborough United beating Liverpool and winning in the play-offs at Huddersfield are a few and horses winning races to make me a couple of grand. However for me that night at Solihull will always remain the best of all. For a very colourful chapter of my life watching ice-hockey, following the Pirates, was everything…

... after Pirates had beaten Solihull we continued to win every game, until the Barons came to town for the rematch. Barons were bringing 10 coach loads of supporters so it was decided by the powers that be, that in order to accommodate the Bothersome Brummie Battalions, for one night only, the Animal Korner would be handed over to Solihull. To say the residents of the Korner were disgruntled by the decision was an understatement. It turned out to be a much closer game than the Christmas Classic but the Barons gained a deserved victory, thankfully though, on goal difference between the two teams, we still held the upper hand. From that point in the season Pirates continued to win every game they played and we were eventually in a situation where if we won at Grimsby we would win the league. At the time I was still working at the bookies so a week before the match I went to see my boss Alan to see if I could get the Saturday off. Alan must have been in a bad mood that day as he told me that he was most reluctant to let me have the day off. (Fuck off is what he said)

‘Fuck off, no you can’t have the fucking day off, all you think about is the bloody ice-hockey this job is not a fucking hobby it is a fucking... fucking... well it’s a fucking job… all you care about is the fucking Panthers.’

‘Pirates Alan.’

‘What?’

‘It’s the Pirates, you said Panthers.’ I felt it was my place to correct him, though in hindsight I was probably not helping my cause!

‘Fuck’s sake, the fucking Pirates then, you need to fucking grow up and take your responsibilities seriously. There is more to life than ice-fucking-hockey.’

‘Fine, I quit then.’

‘You fucking what?’

‘I will quit then Alan, I want to go to Grimsby.’

‘Oh fuck off then, fuck off to Grimsby with the fucking Panthers’ said my now ex-boss.

‘Pirates Alan!’

‘Fuck off!!’

So that Saturday, newly unemployed, I boarded the bus for Grimsby. Little Lionel checked us all on the bus. He used to sit at the front, Lionel, was one of the elder statesman and one of the more responsible people on the coach he was like a poor man’s Ronnie Corbett. To be honest, for all the talk of not being over-confident and treating your opponents with respect, we all knew we were gonna beat Grimsby. The ice-hockey match was the prelude to the party afterwards. All the usual shenanigans were going on, on the bus. One of Blaynes favourite jolly japes was to see how many people you could cram into the bus toilet. They would get to around 5 or 6 people squashed in and then someone like Big Steve would squeeze the door shut, lean against it and not let them out for a while. The noises that could be heard coming out from the packed lavvy, the groaning, the pleading, the desperate wailing, still haunt me to this day. Eventually Steve would relent and move away and the inhabitants of the toilet would spill out onto the floor of the bus where they would immediately start to forage around for more beer. I suppose I should point out that vast quantities of alcohol would be consumed on these ice-hockey away days, so common sense was in short supply. Lionel would shout down from his seat by the driver, ‘Behave down there.’ I was not a drinker so would just sit back and observe the mayhem.

Pirates, as expected, won the match at Grimsby which was played in a carnival atmosphere then  we all headed to the bar and waited to greet the newly crowned champions. As each player made their way to join us they were applauded, cheered, slapped on the back and hugged. Songs were sung, drink was drunk and John Lawless enquired, through song... whether we liked her long black hair? We replied that yes we did like her long black hair. Her long black hair? After establishing we liked her long black hair we were also asked, through song, whether we liked her beady eyes, her nobby nose and other somewhat fragrant areas of her anatomy! We then sang of ants moving rubber tree plants, now everyone knows that an ant can't move a rubber tree plant but we had High Hopes.  After partying in the bar we headed into Grimsby and ended up in a nightclub called Grinders!? (it was the 80's) where we continued to party the night away. It was a case of Hi Ho Silver lining everywhere we go. One of the high points was seeing Lionel in an altercation with the bouncers, they had taken offence to him waving his Pirates scarf around a tad too enthusiastically for their liking and told him if he did not calm down he would have to leave. Thankfully, for the bouncers, Lionel chose to calm down. That night we danced and sang till the early hours, it was a fantastic night.

On the way home we got stuck in a freak snow storm in Grantham. The busses stopped and we all piled off, players and fans milling about in the snow it was not long before snowballs began to fly through the air and so began the silliest most surreal snowball fight ever, at 4:30 in the morning on an otherwise quiet still Sunday. If any resident of Grantham had looked out of their window, they would have been met by the sight of the Peterborough Pirates, players and fans, celebrating in a winter wonderland.

Like I say 40 years ago, the best of times and those who are no longer with us live on in our hearts. For the rest of us, well I don’t know about you but inside my head I am still 20, a very bewildered 20 year old who looks in the mirror and thinks WTF happened. 

Observations on Life (Parts One and Two)

 LIFE - it is a simple complicated thing.

Body

How do you see your body? 

How much of what your body does do you have to consciously think about?

What are you consciously in control of?

In a body that is constantly changing and seemingly pretty independent, where do you reside and remain a constant in it?

Our bodies are miraculous and a paradox. We see ourselves as individuals and see our body in the singular but our bodies are made up of trillions of cells so are we a community?

Approximately 99% of the human body is made up of six elements oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon, calcium and phosphorus. Another five elements, sulfur, potassium, sodium, chlorine and magnesium make up around 0.85% of the remaining mass.

According to research the  adult male is made up of 36 trillion cells.

A female 28 trillion cells and 10 year old children consist of 17 trillion cells.

Now I am no scientist and I have no idea how all this works I exist yet I am very ignorant about what I am.

Ok so I am made up of 36 trillion cells but around 330 billion cells are replaced daily that is about 1% of all the cells in my body, all in a constant process of decay and regeneration. After every 100 days I am made up of a different 36 trillion cells, a brand new me, brand new yet older, constantly ageing.

Our largest organ, our skin renews itself every 28 days, shedding around 30 to 40 thousand dead cells every minute, which apparently works out at around 9lb a year. Where does it go?

There is an analogy here when it comes to the planet we inhabit. Are we just individual cells in the process of decay and regeneration all playing out part in the body that is earth?

Our cells also contain the DNA molecule so what is DNA

What is DNA?

Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) is the incredible molecule that carries all our genetic information.  

It contains the genetic instructions that ensure living beings can properly develop, survive, and reproduce, with every human being inheriting half of their genetic material from each of their biological parents. 

DNA can be found in almost every cell in our body, except for red blood cells, making it an essential component in what makes us human.

Here are 10 more amazing facts about DNA that you may not know…

1. All human beings share approximately 99.9% of their DNA

Although every human being is unique in their own way, all of us share approximately 99.9% of our genetic material. This shared DNA ‘writes’ the code for all our cells and tells them how to function.

The tiny amount of DNA that differs (0.1%) is what makes us different from one another. This area of our DNA is responsible for determining our physical characteristics like eye colour, skull shape and skin colour.

2. It would take 50 years to type out the entire human genome

There are around three billion units that make up the human genome.

It would take around 50 years to type out the entire genome – but you’d need to type at 60 words per minute, for eight hours per day.

3. DNA is made up of four key building blocks

DNA molecules are made up of four chemical bases (nucleotides), which are the building blocks of nucleic acids: adenine (A), guanine (G), thymine (T), and cytosine (C).

4. If you stretched out the DNA in one cell, it would stretch to 2 metres long

If you did this for all the DNA in all your cells, it would stretch to approximately twice the diameter of the solar system!

5. Around 5-8% of our DNA isn’t human…

It’s viral DNA. Human beings are thought to carry around 100,000 pieces of DNA that we have accumulated from viruses over the entire course of our evolution.

6. We’re closely related to a creature called the star ascidian…

This flat, gelatinous creature is actually a colony of individual animals, that live among rocks and seaweed.

It’s also the closest invertebrate genetic relative to humans. We share around 77% of our DNA with the star ascidian.

7. …and even more closely related to primates

All human beings share 98.7% of their DNA in common with primates like gorillas, orangutans, and chimpanzees.

8. Genes only make up about 1-3% of your DNA

The rest of your DNA is thought to control the activity of your genes.

9. Our DNA undergoes small ‘mutations’ every day

All of us have some form of ‘mutation’ happening within our cells daily – but that doesn’t mean you’ll be a superhero anytime soon…

After all, these tiny ‘mutations’ in our DNA are what make us human, with such variants being responsible for differences in eye and hair colour, and blood types.

Hundreds of times per day, something happens within our DNA to cause ‘mutations’: this can be caused by a variety of things from exposure to UV radiation, to medication/drugs and viral infections.

Thankfully, our cells can quickly adapt to these changes, and most ‘mutations’ in our DNA are harmless or even helpful. In some cases, however, these mutations have been known to cause diseases (like cancer).  

10. It’s possible for one person to have two sets of DNA

Although rare, it’s possible for a human being to have two completely different DNA profiles.

This phenomenon is known as chimerism and can happen during pregnancy where the mother retains some of her baby’s DNA, or when a foetus absorbs its twin.

It can also occur in patients who’ve had bone marrow transplants, where the donor’s bone marrow continues to produce blood cells containing the donor’s DNA.

Our bodies consist of between 50 to 65% water, this percentage declines as we get older but usually stay above 50% like the plants in our garden though as we age we dry out!

When we are born our little baby bodies are 78 to 83% water during the first six months of water that volume gradually decreases.

As healthy adults our bodies are about 60% water this would mean a man weighing 70kg would contain 42 litres of water. Now there is only a finite amount of water on the planet and it is in a constant state of flow, it flows through all life. Most adults lose around 2 to 3 litres of water a day and that needs to be replaced. So the water currently passing through your body will have been in thousands to millions of other life forms plants, animals, fish, insects, birds the seas, rivers and lakes, the rain and the puddles that form after a storm.

We are all like raindrops, believing we are individuals until we fall into the sea. 

So these bodies we inhabit are a real mystery to most of us, to me it feels like I am being transported about in a vehicle and I have very little understanding of how that vehicle works.

I do not need to concentrate on how my lungs work in order to breathe. I do not need to focus to ensure my body digests the food I eat. I am not conscious of what my kidneys are up to. I have no idea how I can see or hear, dwell on it all for only a minute or two a day and it is a miracle way beyond my own understanding.

Your heart beats around 100,000 times a day. If you squeeze a tennis ball hard that is around the force generated by your heart to continuously pump blood around your body. Blood that delivers oxygen and nutrients to all parts of your body. During an average lifetime a human heart will beat 2.5 billion times without any conscious effort on our part. Imagine carrying a tennis ball around for your entire lifetime squeezing it 100,000 times a day!? Our heart is making that effort to keep us alive.

Now in our society the things we look for in our own and the bodies of others are very superficial in comparison to what is going on beneath the surface. We look at aesthetics, we look for beauty, we judge and compartmentalise others on what they look like. We are all prejudiced and are all discriminated against depending on our looks.

Yet none of us would be able to recognise our own heart, our own brain.

We focus and prioritise differences that should be quite irrelevant, rather than looking at all the commonalities. 

As already stated we share 99.9% of our DNA, which i guess explains why we have so many things in common. We have the same limbs, the same organs, fingers, toes, hair, bones.  Our faces and bodies are constructed the same yet that .1% determines that we are all uniquely different. Our physical features are passed down through the evolutionary chain by our ancestors through our DNA so we might share physical characteristics with our parents grand parents and beyond. We share 98.7% of our DNA with the great apes Chimps, Gorilla’s and Orangutans

In the same way we inherit our physical appearance, do we inherit our emotions, can personality traits be passed down through generations. If we share 77% of our DNA with a Star Ascidian and our DNA only differs by 1.3% from primates. Then it would suggest all living creatures experience emotions to some degree and us humans, far from being detached and above all life on the planet are very much a part of it and as such should be far more humble and continually filled with wonder.

So what of our emotions are we born with a unique essence, an individual personality. How different are we really? How much free will do we have and how much is preprogrammed into us, to what extent are our lives mapped out?

Part 2

So does our evolution over 100’s of thousands of years and the programming from our DNA pre-determine much of how we think?

On one level we are very basic with the pathways in our brain to get food for the self and to reproduce for the continuation of life being the most strongly embedded.

So much of life seems to be a series of patterns. 

We are made up of trillions of cells could it be we are a cell in the body that is earth.

My belief is we are all part of one thing and as a result I am fascinated by the concept of self (the essence of I as a unique individual) where does that come from?

What part of me questions my own thoughts?

Just as our hearts beat with no conscious input from us, do many of our thoughts and emotions materialise independently from what we consider to be the self?

So I am the result of 100’s of thousands of years of evolution. I can see myself as an individual which I am but also a rather insignificant cell, part of the greater whole. Just as I am made of trillions of cells in a constant cycle of degeneration, regeneration, reproducing and ageing. Then am I and all over life on this planet just cells performing the same kind of function on the life form we know as Earth?

When we are born we are already programmed through our DNA the patterns contained in our DNA goes back to the beginning of life. 

Our DNA contains the basic code that tells each cell how to grow, function and reproduce.

Examinations of our DNA show that any two humans are 99.9% identical.

DNA gets into every cell in the body through a process called DNA replication, which occurs when a cell divides and copies its DNA to create a new DNA molecule for the new daughter cell, this process ensures that each new cell has its own complete genome.

DNA replication involves three main steps initiation elongation and termination during replication chromosomes replicate and the newly replicated copies are separated and partitioned into the two daughter cells this is controlled by three types of specialized nucleotide sequences in the DNA that binder proteins that guide the machinery that replicate and segregate chromosomes.

According to a 2021 study published in Science Advances only 1.5 to 7% of the human genome is unique to modern humans the study examined the genomes of 279 people and found about 50% of the genome contains DNA inherited from Neaderthals or Denisovans while the rest come from the most recent common ancestor of humans and their extinct cousins

The human genome also contains non-human DNA which can come from viruses or repetitive strings of genetic letters that may also have a viral origin.

All very technical for me but it shows how closely linked we are to all life and how long our patterns have been evolving.

So how does all this help us think about our mental health?

Well it feels to me we are in a state of almost constant conflict, we are programmed by our DNA, we are already hard wired to seek out food and to reproduce that would be our most basic and important role as a cell in the body we call Earth. We need food to sustain ourselves and we need to reproduce as a duty to the collective, the Earth we are a part of.

It is worth remembering that our DNA is 98.7% the same as Chimps, Gorilla’s and Oranutang’s. I love a book called The Chimp Paradox that talks about the battles between our emotional chimp brain and logical human brain. Modern human society is very frightening for the chimp in us.

For me society has changed rapidly over the last twenty  years and this presents us with many problems, when it comes to our mental health and well being. The way our brains have evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, the way we are wired is not suited to this internet age, and  makes modern living very challenging for many. 

Paradoxically the internet has enabled people to connect with others all over the world, given us a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips but has also led to huge levels of loneliness and isolation for many. For every positive there is a negative, ying and yang.

Life...an incredibly complicated simple thing.

 LIFE -

Body

How do you see your body? 

How much of what your body does do you have to consciously think about?

What are you consciously in control of?

In a body that is constantly changing and seemingly pretty independent, where do you reside and remain a constant in it?

Our bodies are miraculous and a paradox. We see ourselves as individuals and see our body in the singular but our bodies are made up of trillions of cells so are we a community?

Approximately 99% of the human body is made up of six elements oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon, calcium and phosphorus. Another five elements, sulfur, potassium, sodium, chlorine and magnesium make up around 0.85% of the remaining mass.

According to research the  adult male is made up of 36 trillion cells.

A female 28 trillion cells and 10 year old children consist of 17 trillion cells.

Now I am no scientist and I have no idea how all this works I exist yet I am very ignorant about what I am.

Ok so I am made up of 36 trillion cells but around 330 billion cells are replaced daily that is about 1% of all the cells in my body, all in a constant process of decay and regeneration. After every 100 days I am made up of a different 36 trillion cells, a brand new me, brand new yet older, constantly ageing.

Our largest organ, our skin renews itself every 28 days, shedding around 30 to 40 thousand dead cells every minute, which apparently works out at around 9lb a year. Where does it go?

There is an analogy here when it comes to the planet we inhabit. Are we just individual cells in the process of decay and regeneration all playing out part in the body that is earth?

Our bodies consist of between 50 to 65% water, this percentage declines as we get older but usually stay above 50% like the plants in our garden though as we age we dry out!

When we are born our little baby bodies are 78 to 83% water during the first six months of water that volume gradually decreases.

As healthy adults our bodies are about 60% water this would mean a man weighing 70kg would contain 42 litres of water. Now there is only a finite amount of water on the planet and it is in a constant state of flow, it flows through all life. Most adults lose around 2 to 3 litres of water a day and that needs to be replaced. So the water currently passing through your body will have been in thousands to millions of other life forms plants, animals, fish, insects, birds the seas, rivers and lakes, the rain and the puddles that form after a storm.

We are all like raindrops, believing we are individuals until we fall into the sea. 

So these bodies we inhabit are a real mystery to most of us, to me it feels like I am being transported about in a vehicle and I have very little understanding of how that vehicle works.

I do not need to concentrate on how my lungs work in order to breathe. I do not need to focus to ensure my body digests the food I eat. I am not conscious of what my kidneys are up to. I have no idea how I can see or hear, dwell on it all for only a minute or two a day and it is a miracle way beyond my own understanding.

Your heart beats around 100,000 times a day. If you squeeze a tennis ball hard that is around the force generated by your heart to continuously pump blood around your body. Blood that delivers oxygen and nutrients to all parts of your body. During an average lifetime a human heart will beat 2.5 billion times without any conscious effort on our part. Imagine carrying a tennis ball around for your entire lifetime squeezing it 100,000 times a day!? Our heart is making that effort to keep us alive.

Now in our society the things we look for in our own and the bodies of others are very superficial in comparison to what is going on beneath the surface. We look at aesthetics, we look for beauty, we judge and compartmentalise others on what they look like. We are all prejudiced and are all discriminated against depending on our looks.

Yet none of us would be able to recognise our own heart, our own brain.

We focus and prioritise differences that should be quite irrelevant, rather than looking at all the commonalities.

Mind Yourself

  I recently read 'The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters, brilliant book gives a real interesting take on how our minds work and how we can get more control over them.

The basic premises being that due to evolution we have two three distinct parts to our brain the chimp the human and the computer.
The chimp part of our brain is five times stronger than the human and views the world through the eyes of a chimp. It sees us, as still being part of the food chain, reacts with emotion, controls our fight flight or freeze response.
It works differently to the evolutionary more recent addition of our human brain which deals with logic and facts.
The book and the ideas in it have impacted me in a far more positive way than all of the counselling I have had in my past.
The more you think about life and who we are both as individuals and a collective the more fascinating it becomes.
As i sit here tapping away on my keyboard i have no idea, really, of how i get my fingers to dance across the keys hetting all the currect latters ...okay maybe 'dancing' was a little strong!?
When i get up to go and make a drink of reach across to pet Louie, again I don't know how my body does that.
I am very ignorant when it comes to mechanics so it is similar when I am driving a car I know how to switch it on and break and accelerate but have little idea of how and engine works. Though I actually probably have a better understanding of a car than the workings of my own body!
How often do any of us think about how we keep our heart beating, how we work our lungs and kidneys how we maintain our eyes and ears, how we digest out food, how we generate energy, there are just so many mysteries and when you think how simply we are created and how miniscule we are at the beginning, it is just mind blowing.
Along with our bodies being a mystery to us so are our minds, i have a better understanding of why now. We have very little control in what our bodies look like and how well they work, none of us made a conscious choice on how our bodies work and look. On a fairly basic level though we can look after our bodies, by exercising, eating well, learning new tasks. But nature and programming is doing most of it. We all age, again with very little input from us as to how that goes for us. I certainly did not choose for my hair and teeth to fall out, for my ears, nose, prostate and fight knacker to get bigger! At the beginning when we were so tiny that we could only be seen through a microscope that was all programmed in and we are just passengers.
Now this is what I have learned recently just as much of our our bodies work, look and age has been programmed in so is much of the way our minds work. The emotional chimp part of the brain works individually and independently from you as a human.
Think of all the times you get scared or panic when you don't know why. When you worry far more than you would like to. When you stay in situations you feel you should leave, when you really want to go travelling or ask someone out and something stops you. when you get so anxious it upsets your stomach and you are thinking, 'there is no way I should be this nervous'
That is the inner conflict between you older more established, in evolutionary terms, chimp brain and the more recently evolved human brain.
So those negative thoughts we all get, that is the chimp trying to protect you (it sees threats everywhere) and unfortunately it is as natural as breathing or your heart beating, Trying to stop those thoughts is like holding your breath.
What I have learned over the last few weeks though is we can manage those thoughts (just as we can regulate breathing patterns) to the extent, where in my case the physical impact of those thoughts, for me it was crippling anxiety at times leading to stomach pain and nausea, can be greatly reduced. By managing and calming our chimp brain.

A Work in Progress (Men and Relationships)

 I saw a beautiful girl today, take your breath away beautiful … the way only an almost perfect looking woman can do. Nature throws up loads of beauty, it is all around if you choose to look, a sunrise, a lake at dusk, the golden sands of a beach under a brilliant blue sky, a snow capped mountain,the sun kissed ocean, a forest in the summertime. Flowers, insects, birds, animals can all be strikingly beautiful...  but there is nothing quite like a beautiful girl. Looking at her made me sad for the life I led, the one I lost, and the one I nearly had. Left me thinking what’s it all about? Is there any point in plodding on or is my race run. I see nothing but an increasingly, lonely existence with only loss and further hardships in a degenerating society. It is a challenge being a man.

Us humans tend to view ourselves and life as incredibly complex, I honestly think that is an illusion. Life is a series of very simple patterns. The goal being the survival of the whole. The continuation of life.

We are all just flames in a fire...and the fire!? leaves on a tree...and the tree!? is a raindrop still a raindrop when it falls into the sea?

If you see yourself as part of a whole rather than a single human the insignificance of you as an individual is unsettling. The paradox of that insignificance though, is that you are like a mini life sustaining planet yourself! Currently there are around 1.5 million microscopic bugs living on your skin. The blood running through you is like the rivers and seas on earth, with your heart orchestrating the tides.

It has been estimated there are around 8.7 million species of plants and animals on the planet...

At any time, it is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion (10,000,000,000,000,000,000) individual insects alive.

There are around 6,400 species of mammals so us humans make up a very small amount of the individual life forms that contribute to the whole.

We greatly over value our species and under-appreciate all others, yet we are all linked. The miraculous force of life that is within us is within all life on the planet.

Earth itself has a comparable place in the solar system to that of a microscopic bug currently living its life on your skin.

Every ending signals a new beginning, every beginning is the start of an ending, So with that in mind are beginnings and endings even a thing does life just rumble along on a continuum?

Life as a whole, the life that all living things play their role in perpetuating, is all about  patterns and programming.

Weather patterns, societal patterns, individual patterns, emotional patterns all designed to ensure life is continuous, us humans play a very tiny role in that. Paradoxically within life's simplicity is great complexity.

Think of a typical day in your own life, how much of that day consists of following a series of patterns. The older we get the worse it gets, our bodies are comfortable with patterns, we do not like change but then because of this every day becomes very similar.

The problem we face is that the simple programs for us as individuals and us as a tiny part of a whole create great mental conflicts within our minds, conflicts as to how we interact with each other and conflicts within the various human tribes.

There is an argument that free will does not exist, that it is an illusion and we are all slaves to our patterns, our programming. The patterns implanted in us from when we were born from parents, school, society, peers and the patterns passed down in our DNA from over hundreds of thousands of years. Programming from when we were still very much part of the food chain.

The two basic needs in humans, the things our brains are primarily set up to get, programmed in from before we were even human, are food and sex. Food to keep you (as an individual alive) alive, sex to keep the species, the collective, the whole sustained. Life begets life.

On a personal level, I have been alone for the vast majority of my adult life. The most mentally stable I have ever been was when I was married,  I was a happy person who had sad times. Whereas as a single man I am, and was always, a sad person who has 'ok' days. I have been lucky in that I have always had enough food but when I was married I also knew I could have sex. Knowing it was available (even if it was just with my gay ex-missus) had a hugely positive impact on my contentment and mental well-being. 

It is really difficult to get this across but if you had gone without food for a week and you suddenly stumbled across a room filled with beautiful people and beautiful things and the only food in the room was one bowl of porridge on a table in the corner the only thing that mattered, in that moment, would be that bowl of porridge.

It is another example of our patterns creating an all or nothing existence for most males. Over time, much as I enjoy the company of women, I have found it virtually impossible to have female friends whilst I am single. It is very difficult to have a relaxed healthy friendship when all you can really think about is the ‘porridge’ if you get my drift.

This is where women have a huge advantage over men, when it comes to emotional/mental stability, they know sex is available. They don't experience the same intense feeling of lack. Of course women get lonely but in general do not tend to get so emotionally isolated from society. A man's solitude is filled with turmoil and cruelly debilitating self talk.

Women have far greater value to ‘the whole’ than men, women are essential in sustaining and creating new life. It explains why, from the beginning of the history of out species, it is men go to war, sadly they are expendable. Unfortunately this has led, in modern times, to a very large number of males being surplus to requirements, which leads to many seeing themselves as pathetic.

So we have a situation now, where the world is changing rapidly with very negative consequences for many but with a specific set of challenges for men and the battle within them as individuals and their role as part of the whole. The hard-wiring in us all to perpetuate the species. For all those single males what, if anything, can be done to help?

1 in 3 men now regularly go a year without sex. I am fully aware it is not such an immediate need but if we equate the lack of physical affection with lack of food. It would be like saying to a starving person… ”Other than food, what would help?”

Throughout human history women have been programmed to find the strongest mate and then nurture their young.

Men are programmed to compete and copulate,to have sex with as many women as possible so that a percentage of their offspring will survive. 

This creates the all or nothing society we live in where the currency at a base level has always been sex.

Life would be much easier if we could have more control in who we found physically attractive but there is very little nuance in those decisions. The survival of the species takes precedent over whether someone has a brilliant personality. For men physical beauty lures them in, whereas women are drawn to wealth and power.

There is another paradox though although women have a greater value in perpetuating life, women only have a finite number of eggs, at a certain age they will have completed their role to ensure survival of the species, the whole, their work is done and they can relax and enjoy the experience of being an individual whilst continuing to nurture .The programming concerning creating life, sustaining ‘the whole’ often subsides. They are no longer in a state of conflict.

Men on the other hand don’t stop producing sperm, therefore the desire to sustain life, that basic drive, does not dissipate to the same extent and the internal conflict still rages.

We are a tribal species so throughout history men have fought and died in wars. Wars are perhaps a natural way of keeping the male population down. It could be argued the frustration’s around finding a mate contribute to male’s propensity for violence. Certainly many single men have very little purpose in their lives, a massive motivation deficit and for many a constant battle with frustration and feelings of lack. Perhaps at some point in our history this is how religion arose to combat that primal drive for sex and consequently companionship, physical affection and a purpose.

A wonderfully prolonged period of peace in the west and a huge change in working patterns has created a new set of problems for men. The lack of manual work and the huge financial advances made by women have created a society where, increasingly, only a very small number of the most powerful richest men hold any interest for women. This is a result of the basic patterns around the female as part of a whole rather than an individual, the primitive programming that dictates a female needs a male capable of protecting her and giving any children the best chance of survival. The strongest most powerful males.

As a consequence the most powerful/richest men get their choice of women. These men have absolutely no reason to commit as they are presented with a conveyor belt of females looking to make a trade. Sex for a relationship. The rich powerful man just needs to have sex with as many women as possible so some of his offspring survive. He has absolutely no reason to commit and in fairness his programming his goal, re the survival of the whole the continuation of life, is being met.

Once women realise this, the narrative is that all men are bastards and only want one thing! That is only 50% true, men also want food.

So it is likely the people who have the best chance of getting all their needs met are powerful males. The rest of the males are by and large surplus to requirements.

A bit like sperm really, the strongest swimmer gets to fertilise the egg the rest get to splash about a bit, maybe take a trip down a thigh but are doomed to die. As with males the vast majority of sperm are surplus to requirements.

To get an idea of the of the internal conflict in men the biggest killer of men under 50 is suicide. Men between the ages of 40 and 50 are at the greatest risk. This makes sense if a man has not found a mate by the age of 40 he is starting to lose hope, loneliness becomes intense. It is also around this time marriages breakdown causing more men to be challenged by solitude and isolation and a lack of purpose. Not having a partner and the family group that comes with it seems to be a real struggle, which would perhaps go some way to explaining why Christmas is a catalyst for many suicides.

In the animal kingdom, especially mammals, it is the survival of the fittest, the strongest male gets to mate the rest are cast off to either the outskirts of the group or to live a life of solitude.

In human society up until very recently the male’s role was to fight, hunt, work hard at being a provider and often be the disciplinarian on returning home.

So you look at how basic life is, at all the patterns we live by and wonder what are emotions, what purpose do they serve?

Are they like religion just there to give ourselves a greater sense of importance, an illusion to set us apart?

On one hand I think they are just another pattern, something we construct to enable us to see ourselves as individuals. However, when I think about animals, especially our pets it is clear they too have emotions. So is that inherent in all life!? I think very basic emotions probably are… happiness, sadness, fear, courage. I think the rest are a construct, moulded by parents, teachers, peers and the values of whichever society you are born into.

Although it does feel like Western Society is being recklessly dismantled by our puppet governments, it is interesting to look at where this prolonged period of ‘peace’ got us. Especially when we look at Mental Well-being.

We are given, and cultivate for ourselves, unrealistic expectations, these expectations prevent us from living in the moment. The stories we were told as children were of handsome prince's winning the hand of the princess. The prince had to prove his worth fighting evil in haunted forests, many tried and many failed, turned to stone or eaten by trolls. Is there a message there that winners get the girl, losers don't.

It does feel like women have an inherent value , while a man's value has to be earned.

OK this may sound somewhat crude but the earliest professions for men centered around hunting, foraging, providing, fighting and defending. Men became Farmers, Hunters, Soldiers. One of the earliest professions for women was prostitution. There was and still is value in just being a woman, where as I say a man has to prove his value and so many men today are isolated, lonely and lacking direction. How do we as a society instil a sense of value in men.

There is a loneliness epidemic and that should not really come as a surprise, many people are unhappy and again that isn’t really much of a shock. The rules we live by do not help us, they are falsehoods. We are much more basic and shallow than we like to think, in part because we are sold a series of lies.

Post 'me too' we are constantly told men should not objectify women while at the same time the internet has provided a safe space for hundreds and thousands of women to objectify themselves in front of a camera and make fortunes doing it. Good luck to them, it just feels a bit sad though. A fantasy will always beat reality.

We live in a world where we are told to celebrate diversity, a world of pronouns. People are divided into tribes based on colour, gender, sexual orientation, religion, politics, mental illness (where there are so many conditions we are running out of acronyms), physical disabilities, age... the list goes on so celebrate diversity but stick to those who are like you. Group think encourages disharmony it is much easier to hate another tribe than to hate specific individuals.

As a species it feel like we are on a precipice, as a collective the advancements made in technology this century seem to be causing us to regress collectively and individually. As I said at the start we are way more insignificant than we like to think. There is still hope though but it means being humble looking at the commonalities, not just with our species but with all life, we are all in this together and if we just look it is easy to see all life is linked...we have loads in common.

As an example if you look at our bodies, they are ever changing but unique all appearing very different. Think about the bodies of the people in the various diverse tribes, we are encouraged to see differences but then start looking at the commonalities. We all have hearts, lungs, stomachs, brains, limbs, blood running through our veins, skin, limbs, hair, teeth, mouths, ears, eyes, nose we can all touch, taste, smell, hear, communicate. Yes of course we should celebrate diversity but our true strength is found in commonalities the things that unite us

ONE life ONE love ONE tribe