I saw a beautiful girl today, take your breath away beautiful … the way only an almost perfect looking woman can do. Nature throws up loads of beauty, it is all around if you choose to look, a sunrise, a lake at dusk, the golden sands of a beach under a brilliant blue sky, a snow capped mountain,the sun kissed ocean, a forest in the summertime. Flowers, insects, birds, animals can all be strikingly beautiful... but there is nothing quite like a beautiful girl. Looking at her made me sad for the life I led, the one I lost, and the one I nearly had. Left me thinking what’s it all about? Is there any point in plodding on or is my race run. I see nothing but an increasingly, lonely existence with only loss and further hardships in a degenerating society. It is a challenge being a man.
Us humans tend to view ourselves and life as incredibly complex, I honestly think that is an illusion. Life is a series of very simple patterns. The goal being the survival of the whole. The continuation of life.
We are all just flames in a fire...and the fire!? leaves on a tree...and the tree!? is a raindrop still a raindrop when it falls into the sea?
If you see yourself as part of a whole rather than a single human the insignificance of you as an individual is unsettling. The paradox of that insignificance though, is that you are like a mini life sustaining planet yourself! Currently there are around 1.5 million microscopic bugs living on your skin. The blood running through you is like the rivers and seas on earth, with your heart orchestrating the tides.
It has been estimated there are around 8.7 million species of plants and animals on the planet...
At any time, it is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion (10,000,000,000,000,000,000) individual insects alive.
There are around 6,400 species of mammals so us humans make up a very small amount of the individual life forms that contribute to the whole.
We greatly over value our species and under-appreciate all others, yet we are all linked. The miraculous force of life that is within us is within all life on the planet.
Earth itself has a comparable place in the solar system to that of a microscopic bug currently living its life on your skin.
Every ending signals a new beginning, every beginning is the start of an ending, So with that in mind are beginnings and endings even a thing does life just rumble along on a continuum?
Life as a whole, the life that all living things play their role in perpetuating, is all about patterns and programming.
Weather patterns, societal patterns, individual patterns, emotional patterns all designed to ensure life is continuous, us humans play a very tiny role in that. Paradoxically within life's simplicity is great complexity.
Think of a typical day in your own life, how much of that day consists of following a series of patterns. The older we get the worse it gets, our bodies are comfortable with patterns, we do not like change but then because of this every day becomes very similar.
The problem we face is that the simple programs for us as individuals and us as a tiny part of a whole create great mental conflicts within our minds, conflicts as to how we interact with each other and conflicts within the various human tribes.
There is an argument that free will does not exist, that it is an illusion and we are all slaves to our patterns, our programming. The patterns implanted in us from when we were born from parents, school, society, peers and the patterns passed down in our DNA from over hundreds of thousands of years. Programming from when we were still very much part of the food chain.
The two basic needs in humans, the things our brains are primarily set up to get, programmed in from before we were even human, are food and sex. Food to keep you (as an individual alive) alive, sex to keep the species, the collective, the whole sustained. Life begets life.
On a personal level, I have been alone for the vast majority of my adult life. The most mentally stable I have ever been was when I was married, I was a happy person who had sad times. Whereas as a single man I am, and was always, a sad person who has 'ok' days. I have been lucky in that I have always had enough food but when I was married I also knew I could have sex. Knowing it was available (even if it was just with my gay ex-missus) had a hugely positive impact on my contentment and mental well-being.
It is really difficult to get this across but if you had gone without food for a week and you suddenly stumbled across a room filled with beautiful people and beautiful things and the only food in the room was one bowl of porridge on a table in the corner the only thing that mattered, in that moment, would be that bowl of porridge.
It is another example of our patterns creating an all or nothing existence for most males. Over time, much as I enjoy the company of women, I have found it virtually impossible to have female friends whilst I am single. It is very difficult to have a relaxed healthy friendship when all you can really think about is the ‘porridge’ if you get my drift.
This is where women have a huge advantage over men, when it comes to emotional/mental stability, they know sex is available. They don't experience the same intense feeling of lack. Of course women get lonely but in general do not tend to get so emotionally isolated from society. A man's solitude is filled with turmoil and cruelly debilitating self talk.
Women have far greater value to ‘the whole’ than men, women are essential in sustaining and creating new life. It explains why, from the beginning of the history of out species, it is men go to war, sadly they are expendable. Unfortunately this has led, in modern times, to a very large number of males being surplus to requirements, which leads to many seeing themselves as pathetic.
So we have a situation now, where the world is changing rapidly with very negative consequences for many but with a specific set of challenges for men and the battle within them as individuals and their role as part of the whole. The hard-wiring in us all to perpetuate the species. For all those single males what, if anything, can be done to help?
1 in 3 men now regularly go a year without sex. I am fully aware it is not such an immediate need but if we equate the lack of physical affection with lack of food. It would be like saying to a starving person… ”Other than food, what would help?”
Throughout human history women have been programmed to find the strongest mate and then nurture their young.
Men are programmed to compete and copulate,to have sex with as many women as possible so that a percentage of their offspring will survive.
This creates the all or nothing society we live in where the currency at a base level has always been sex.
Life would be much easier if we could have more control in who we found physically attractive but there is very little nuance in those decisions. The survival of the species takes precedent over whether someone has a brilliant personality. For men physical beauty lures them in, whereas women are drawn to wealth and power.
There is another paradox though although women have a greater value in perpetuating life, women only have a finite number of eggs, at a certain age they will have completed their role to ensure survival of the species, the whole, their work is done and they can relax and enjoy the experience of being an individual whilst continuing to nurture .The programming concerning creating life, sustaining ‘the whole’ often subsides. They are no longer in a state of conflict.
Men on the other hand don’t stop producing sperm, therefore the desire to sustain life, that basic drive, does not dissipate to the same extent and the internal conflict still rages.
We are a tribal species so throughout history men have fought and died in wars. Wars are perhaps a natural way of keeping the male population down. It could be argued the frustration’s around finding a mate contribute to male’s propensity for violence. Certainly many single men have very little purpose in their lives, a massive motivation deficit and for many a constant battle with frustration and feelings of lack. Perhaps at some point in our history this is how religion arose to combat that primal drive for sex and consequently companionship, physical affection and a purpose.
A wonderfully prolonged period of peace in the west and a huge change in working patterns has created a new set of problems for men. The lack of manual work and the huge financial advances made by women have created a society where, increasingly, only a very small number of the most powerful richest men hold any interest for women. This is a result of the basic patterns around the female as part of a whole rather than an individual, the primitive programming that dictates a female needs a male capable of protecting her and giving any children the best chance of survival. The strongest most powerful males.
As a consequence the most powerful/richest men get their choice of women. These men have absolutely no reason to commit as they are presented with a conveyor belt of females looking to make a trade. Sex for a relationship. The rich powerful man just needs to have sex with as many women as possible so some of his offspring survive. He has absolutely no reason to commit and in fairness his programming his goal, re the survival of the whole the continuation of life, is being met.
Once women realise this, the narrative is that all men are bastards and only want one thing! That is only 50% true, men also want food.
So it is likely the people who have the best chance of getting all their needs met are powerful males. The rest of the males are by and large surplus to requirements.
A bit like sperm really, the strongest swimmer gets to fertilise the egg the rest get to splash about a bit, maybe take a trip down a thigh but are doomed to die. As with males the vast majority of sperm are surplus to requirements.
To get an idea of the of the internal conflict in men the biggest killer of men under 50 is suicide. Men between the ages of 40 and 50 are at the greatest risk. This makes sense if a man has not found a mate by the age of 40 he is starting to lose hope, loneliness becomes intense. It is also around this time marriages breakdown causing more men to be challenged by solitude and isolation and a lack of purpose. Not having a partner and the family group that comes with it seems to be a real struggle, which would perhaps go some way to explaining why Christmas is a catalyst for many suicides.
In the animal kingdom, especially mammals, it is the survival of the fittest, the strongest male gets to mate the rest are cast off to either the outskirts of the group or to live a life of solitude.
In human society up until very recently the male’s role was to fight, hunt, work hard at being a provider and often be the disciplinarian on returning home.
So you look at how basic life is, at all the patterns we live by and wonder what are emotions, what purpose do they serve?
Are they like religion just there to give ourselves a greater sense of importance, an illusion to set us apart?
On one hand I think they are just another pattern, something we construct to enable us to see ourselves as individuals. However, when I think about animals, especially our pets it is clear they too have emotions. So is that inherent in all life!? I think very basic emotions probably are… happiness, sadness, fear, courage. I think the rest are a construct, moulded by parents, teachers, peers and the values of whichever society you are born into.
Although it does feel like Western Society is being recklessly dismantled by our puppet governments, it is interesting to look at where this prolonged period of ‘peace’ got us. Especially when we look at Mental Well-being.
We are given, and cultivate for ourselves, unrealistic expectations, these expectations prevent us from living in the moment. The stories we were told as children were of handsome prince's winning the hand of the princess. The prince had to prove his worth fighting evil in haunted forests, many tried and many failed, turned to stone or eaten by trolls. Is there a message there that winners get the girl, losers don't.
It does feel like women have an inherent value , while a man's value has to be earned.
OK this may sound somewhat crude but the earliest professions for men centered around hunting, foraging, providing, fighting and defending. Men became Farmers, Hunters, Soldiers. One of the earliest professions for women was prostitution. There was and still is value in just being a woman, where as I say a man has to prove his value and so many men today are isolated, lonely and lacking direction. How do we as a society instil a sense of value in men.
There is a loneliness epidemic and that should not really come as a surprise, many people are unhappy and again that isn’t really much of a shock. The rules we live by do not help us, they are falsehoods. We are much more basic and shallow than we like to think, in part because we are sold a series of lies.
Post 'me too' we are constantly told men should not objectify women while at the same time the internet has provided a safe space for hundreds and thousands of women to objectify themselves in front of a camera and make fortunes doing it. Good luck to them, it just feels a bit sad though. A fantasy will always beat reality.
We live in a world where we are told to celebrate diversity, a world of pronouns. People are divided into tribes based on colour, gender, sexual orientation, religion, politics, mental illness (where there are so many conditions we are running out of acronyms), physical disabilities, age... the list goes on so celebrate diversity but stick to those who are like you. Group think encourages disharmony it is much easier to hate another tribe than to hate specific individuals.
As a species it feel like we are on a precipice, as a collective the advancements made in technology this century seem to be causing us to regress collectively and individually. As I said at the start we are way more insignificant than we like to think. There is still hope though but it means being humble looking at the commonalities, not just with our species but with all life, we are all in this together and if we just look it is easy to see all life is linked...we have loads in common.
As an example if you look at our bodies, they are ever changing but unique all appearing very different. Think about the bodies of the people in the various diverse tribes, we are encouraged to see differences but then start looking at the commonalities. We all have hearts, lungs, stomachs, brains, limbs, blood running through our veins, skin, limbs, hair, teeth, mouths, ears, eyes, nose we can all touch, taste, smell, hear, communicate. Yes of course we should celebrate diversity but our true strength is found in commonalities the things that unite us
ONE life ONE love ONE tribe
