I thought I would do some sit ups this morning, but I didn't, I consoled myself by thinking 'well it is the thought that counts.' I did, however walk Edward, I do enjoy our morning walks, we have to avoid all the other dog walkers as Eddie goes quite mental when he sees another dog, so we tend to take a zig-zaggy route to a nearby stream, which is usually quite deserted at the time me and Ed go.

I take some bread to feed the swans and the ducks, there is a little threesome going on with two males and a female duck. They are obviously quite liberated and are three of the friendliest birds you could wish to meet. They always swim over to see if I have any Tesco's salt and pepper bread which is delicious.

Occasionally Eddie for some ungodly reason decides it would be great fun to roll in and cover himself in shit. Duck shit, goose shit, swan shit, fox shit. I then have to try to get his lead back on, without getting any foul or fowl excrement on my hands and walk him home to give him a good shower. He knows he is in my bad books as the return journey is made in stony silence.

Once I had washed the above mentioned beagle, I decided to mow the lawn, the lawn at the front of the semi-detached chalet bungalow was very long and (smelly!!) as a hay fever sufferer I am not too keen on the smell of freshly cut grass. Sadly on returning to the house, owing to the length of the lawn to my dismay I discovered I had stood in some concealed cat shit, quite a big cat, at a guess something like a fucking escaped lion that had been dining on cauliflower cheese! The smell was that bad!!

Once I had cleaned my shoes I thought I would write a bit more of this, my embryonic masterpiece, I was interrupted by the portly canine, who it appeared was about to vomit. He is a good boy with stuff like that and luckily we got to the back garden before he could decorate the 1970's carpets with dog sick, to be fair it would have been in keeping with the pattern.