Well Blayne has left the building, I feel very sad. To be honest it is one of those situations where I don't think I made the best of the opportunity. In truth we did move in just as we were hit by the coldest fucking winter on record. So Blayne spent two months moaning about the cold. I spent it worrying about the cost of the heating. (Note to self :- people are more important than money).

So for the record Blayne Scroggins is a thoroughly decent human being and I will miss him and I hope to learn to become a more tolerant person as a result of the last six months.

This time last year I was really happy I had Jo's 40th birthday to look forward to and then a holiday in a villa in Menorca. The birthday went well the holiday was fantastic (i thought) then I won four grand on the Derby then WHAM! No not the coiffured, wake me up before you go go duo but 'BASH' have that. Jo said 'enough is enough I can't go on' and I had to walk out of the door as I weren't needed anymore. I had served my purpose.

Have you ever noticed how life sometimes sends you a wave of happiness that you ride for a while, like some carefree surfer on prozac and then suddenly life gets a bit bored with that and the tide turns. Suddenly you find yourself thrashing about in a tsunami of shit, desperately trying to stay afloat.

My personal view is that we are all part off one thing that ebbs and flows, animals, plants, insects, fish. The earth the land the rivers and seas, all just part of life's big cycle................ Big wheel keeps on turning, proud Mary keeps on burning, and we're rolling.......rolling.......rolling down the river...................

So anyway as you can probably gather I am not in the best place emotionally this morning, feel quite lonely, struggling to find some hope and really could do with a shag. The funny thing about sex is, when you are with someone and getting it, it is far less important in your life, than when you are on your own and going without. This ties in with my 'we are all part of one thing' theory when you are not experiencing that closeness you are missing out. Like eating, drinking and breathing sex helps you refuel in some way.

I maintain that there are no emotions involved in sex, not really, love is an emotion sex is physical, we are brought up in a society that seems to deliberately confuse this.