FREE WILL and RESPONSIBILITY

1)

Do you feel like you are responsible for your actions? Are there other factors reduce your free will? In what ways?

The simple answer is yes, I feel I am responsible for my actions, who or what am I otherwise? I would hate to think of myself as someone who just acts on the first thought that pops into my head...do any of us really live our lives like that?

However I do have a couple of caveats. Over a decade ago I trained to be a hypnotherapist, I never made it in that profession but I found the course itself incredibly enlightening and very helpful to me in my own life. The idea that we all create and also have patterns of behaviour created for us and these can both be positive and negative enhancing and disempowering, is something I can relate to. As an adult i was always very shy, very insecure and had a very low opinion of myself, I had ideas of what I would like to do but felt emotionally crippled, I felt like an invisible force was always holding me back. Learning about the roles of our conscious and more importantly our sub-conscious really shone a light on this for me.

Up to the age of 11 I was a confident kid, I was always a deep thinker and probably a bit different (though most people like to think of themselves that way). In junior school I had a little gang and if people were getting bullied they would come to see me and i would try to resolve the situation for them. School is the only place most of us witness physical violence, at that time I never backed away from a fight but fighting was always a last resort. One of my favourite memories of me as a kid was being called into the headmasters office with around 10 other boys. There had been a fight after school the day before which had been reported by the school's lollipop lady. The head had just started to read the riot act when  my 9 year old self said "Can I stop you there Sir, Edward wasn't involved" One of the boys called into the office, (you may have deduced it to be Edward) had not been involved in the fighting, the head asked the other boys if that was true and Edward was sent back to class. I know at my core I am kind, honest and have a strong sense of fair play and justice.

Things changed for me when I went to an all boys senior school, I stopped growing, I was 5ft and 6 stone when I left that place at 16 (I did not reach puberty till I was 17) my school days had been awful, I was bullied a lot and looking back that is when I first started thinking about suicide.

Coupled with this my relationship with my Dad became increasingly strained neither of my parents are bad people but they are both very insecure. Dad struggled with me growing up and was forever putting me down, anytime i got excited about doing anything he would say "You won't do that" if I disagreed with him he would say "You know nothing" this went on for years and if I did do anything well he would ignore it. I took and passed my driving test in secret, when I went home quite proud of myself and told him, he did not look up from the paper and just muttered "Oh right" I make him sound awful he was in that regard but in many other ways he was great. I realise now him being the last of 9 children he too would have had a difficult childhood and became the victim of some very dodgy programming of his own.

The hypnotherapy course helped me to make sense of me, the annoying little voice in my head that stopped me going for jobs "you can't do that" seeing a girl I realy fancied and being paralysed by fear and doubt "she would never go out with you" refusing to go on holiday with my mates "you won't do that". To this day it still causes me problems the self destruct voice is pretty strong in my head but I have on occasion been able to overcome it. I had always wanted to go to Australia in 1997 on the spur of the moment I went. I said to my Dad "Hey Dad I am going to Australia..."Australia!? you'll never go there" he said and I thought to myself 'sod you, i will' and i did.

So although I would agree my free will was affected, I still believe I had a choice in how I behaved, the actions I chose to take or the times I chose to back away. The decisions I made were my responsibility. I was just slightly handicapped by a lack of understanding as to how my mind and personality had been corrupted.  

Despite my negative unhelpful patterns I have been married, lived in a nice house, been on enough lovely holidays that I don't feel i missed out...and I was incredibly lucky in that I  had an intense four month relationship with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Kerry, I absolutely adored her and consider myself incredibly fortunate to have experienced those wonderfully powerful feelings. 

That brings me on to my second caveat, an area where I do not think we have free will, I know for certain I don't. We seem to have no control over the people we are physically attracted to. Not just the gender or age but individual people within the group we class ourselves as being attracted to, it never seems to have any basis in logic. A feeling takes over (lust) and can lead to us to wanting someone who is completely inappropriate for us and results in many people ending up in toxic relationships. On the flip side I have had had women in my past who I really got on well with but I just didn't fancy, my life may well have been far easier had I been able to.

 Now sexual attraction is not everything but without it, it is very difficult to get a relationship up and running. With having a partner being so important, in our society, I do feel frustrated that something I feel I cannot control, where I do not feel I have free will  (ie I cannot make myself find someone physically attractive) plays such a big part in my own and most other peoples lives. The last time I saw a counsellor I said to her "It is so difficult to understand, for me there are men there are women and there was Kerry and I was only ever really attracted to Kerry. Nobody before or since came anywhere close.

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2)

If you believe that someone is responsible for something bad that has happened - does it necessarily follow that you blame them? Do blame and responsibility always have to go together, or can we hold people responsible without blame? Why?

OK so let's begin by looking at the dictionary definitions

Responsibility :- the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone."a true leader takes responsibility for their team and helps them achieve goals" 

the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something. "the group has claimed responsibility for a string of murders"

Blame :- feel or declare that (someone or something) is responsible for a fault or wrong. "The inquiry blamed the train driver"

Free Will :- the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one's own discretion.

With that in mind I think it is difficult in our society not to attach blame if something bad has happened as a result of a persons actions. Having said that it is ok to look for reasons/excuses as to why the person behaved the way they did but ultimately they are responsible for their actions. Personally, I believe that is a good thing. In order to remove the concept of blame you would need to create a society with no rules and no laws, no expectations regarding behaviour. Having said that, collectively, humans are the most violent, murderous destructive species on the planet despite having all these rules, laws and regulations in place in our societies. 

I love a book called the Tao te Ching, 81 verses, written 2500 years ago and packed with wisdom but I struggle with one concept "throw away morality and justice and people will do the right thing, throw away industry and profit and there will be no thieves." Perhaps that would be the ultimate goal, animals do not seem to need so many rules, maybe the first human societies were like that but I believe any attempt to radically reduce consequences for the actions people take ( i do not see how you can impose consequences without the notion of blame) would initially lead to a rapid and prolific rise in violence.

I would argue that when it comes to free will and the actions we take we always have a choice. Let's take dogs, interestingly, in my opinion dogs have evolved to get on with people far better than people get on with people, how have they done that? Now dogs do not recieve much of an education but when you first bring a puppy home you begin to toilet train  him/her, it usually takes a couple of months. Initially the dog just craps where it likes but over time it figures out that it should not to go to the toilet inside. Is the dog exercising it's free will? The dog still has options, when left alone in the house there is nothing to stop it making a mess indoors. Does a dog make a choice to go to the toilet outside? I would say definitely yes.

People are the same whatever the circumstances there is always a choice and as there is always a choice then the ultimate responsibility is with the individual. The way we talk to ourselves is very important... Henry Ford said "Whether you tell yourself you can do something or if you say you can't you will probably be right." 

I do not like spiders, i don't kill them but I choose not to hold one in my hands. If someone said "Gary I will give you £10,000 if you hold a spider...i will hold a spider. When I suffered from depression, I guess if i am honest I probably still do now but I like to think how I deal with that depression is largely down to me. I could lay in bed and say to myself I can't get up I can't go to work, which is what i did on occasions when I was employed. However, i did get out of bed to go to the toilet and if someone had said, we will pay you £50k a week if you come back to work, I am pretty sure that would have motivated me to go back. A few occasions I tried anti-depressants and I hated the way they made me feel, that probably contributed to me wanting to believe I could take on a large degree of responsibility for my mental health.

When it comes to crimes especially crimes involving cruelty and physical violence then for me the person acting out their aggression is always responsible. Even the most mild mannered of us have aggresive thoughts sometimes, 'I would love to just smack him in the mouth' we do not act on them though. I do not believe in random acts of violence and i do not believe people ever lose the ability to reason. Take for instance road rage if a person cut another up and one person aggressively got out of his car to confront the other occupant, perhaps with the intention to physically attack them. If the person getting out the car was 6ft 6 and holding a shotgun the aggressor would back down. Self preservation would kick in. I believe the fight or flight instinct is inherent  in  all of us. Crimes of passion is another example, I do not believe a person becomes so out of control they lose the ability to reason, they make a choice to hurt someone. If at the point a man was going to attack his partner, he was given a bag containing £10 million and told he could keep it if he walked away, then it is more beneficial for him to walk away and he would. I know these are extreme examples but I am trying to demonstrate that regardless of circumstances people always have a choice, without that ability to reason and weigh up the odds, society would be even more savage than it is today.

Obviously those examples involved presenting people with different options they are not always going to have options that they see as more favourable, so there has to be consequences when people behave badly and cause harm and it is difficult  to impose those consequences without apportioning blame. I do not really see how it can be done. Going back to when I was being bullied, the teachers tried and failed to stop it, my Dad tried and failed. Then one day a group of boys came round my house to see me. They included the biggest lad in our year a black boy called Brian and he told me he would sort it out. Apparently he went back to school, picked one of my tormenters up and slammed him down onto a desk, gave him a warning to leave me alone. He then did the same to the other boy. The bullying stopped.

When it comes to people acting under the influence of drugs and alcohol again I think they are responsible for their actions as they choose to drink and take drugs. The one area I do not have such strong opinions is with regards to medication.

I have a friend who is probably the most mentally ill person i know. I am fully aware he needs medication in order to function. On one occasion I went to see him and he had absolutely trashed his house and his own mess was smeared on the walls. I did not know what to do, at the time I was completely out of my depth. He was speaking to me normally as if nothing was wrong, saying he had just had a fit of temper, we sat and had a game of chess. Like I say I had no idea what to do, which makes me sound bad...if he had physically hurt himself I would have immediately called an ambulance. When I left I rang his partner to express my concerns. Later that night he took himself to A&E and demanded they keep him in as he was a danger to himself. I found that fascinating and it is something I often think about. During this episode of completely irrational behaviour, maybe a psychotic breakdown I am not sure of the correct terminology but within all that internal madness & mayhem he was experiencing, there was something inside him that recognised he was unwell,  he took responsibility and made the decision to get himself to hospital and demand to be looked after.

In summing up then I believe Blame, Responsibility and Consequences do need to go together, some things such as acts of violence and cruelty should result in severe consequences. For other types of behaviour then reasons and excuses can be made in mitigation but the responsibility still lies largely with the individual, as for all the actions we take there is always an alternative choice. I believe we are always capable of taking a different course of action. 

 

The colour of my skin?

My ancestors were enslaved... because of what they looked like, the colour of their skin ?

My ancestors died in wars... because of what they looked like, the colour of their skin ?

I was bullied at school... because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

I was refused entry to night-clubs...because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

Girls refused to date me...because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

I was stopped by the police...because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

I didn't get jobs...because of what i looked like , the colour of my skin ?

I didn't get promotions...because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

I lost jobs...because of what i looked like, the colour of my skin ?

I do feel not valued...because of what i look like, the colour of my skin ?

I do not feel respected...because of what i look like, the colour of my skin ?

My life did not work out right... because of what I look like, the colour of my skin ?

I failed at pretty much everything...because of what i look like, the colour of my skin ?

or is that just the way life is and not everybody wins?

Bentley Drivers and Joy Riders

 BENTLEY DRIVERS & JOY RIDERS

High rise slums, cul-de-sacs

Squats and mansions back to back

Another new car, holes in shoes

Champagne lifestyles and lost in booze

Cruise in the Med, Beachy Head

Strolling in the sun, careful where you tread

Night at the opera, a night in casualty

High paid executives, doing nothing basically

There will be a time and there will be a place

Where the Bentley drivers and the joy riders

Will come face to face

For a winner take all high speed chase

Gold plated bathroom suites, innocence bought in loo’s

Packed banqueting halls, queues for Sally Army stews

Black card in wallet, holes in pockets

Pheasant shooting, ‘Don’t be daft son drop it!’

Thoroughbreds, skinheads

Board meetings, bored to death

White weddings, marquees

Dirty needles, rest in peace.

There will be a time and there will be a place

Where the Bentley drivers and the joy riders

Will come face to face

For a winner takes all high speed chase

Baldism

 BALDISM in Football

The Ugly Truth about the Beautiful game.

"The prejudice faced by bald men in football has gone on for far too long and should have no place in today’s society." Shaun Locks a solicitor and managing director of Compensation Underwriters North Tooting, (a company whose passion to pursue financial justice is matched in equal measure by their disdain of discrimination... and acronym’s), was this week appointed spokesperson for football’s anti-baldism group CUT IT OUT.

‘A large percentage of men are bald’ said Shaun. ‘But with only a few notable exceptions you won’t find bald managers in the Premier League. CUT IT OUT hope to get to the roots of this problem and aim to implement solutions to stop, what would appear to be  institutionalised Baldism within the game of football.’

The facts are quite startling, 40% of men suffer hair loss before the age of 35 and 50% of men in their  50’s suffer the effects of baldness, despite this there are hardly any bald managers in football’s Premier League, a shocking state of affairs in modern Britain. Surely people should be judged on their managerial talent and not the length, colour and lustrousness of their hair.

With the problem showing no signs of receding the Premier Leagues current crop of players, rather tham heroically taking the knee for their bald brothers, are instead being pressurised into taking drastic actions, in an attempt to give themselves the best chance of moving into management, once their playing careers come to an end. Sadly many of today’s footballers, including those at the very top of their profession, are resorting to cosmetic surgery and are now opting for hair transplant procedures, at the first sign of baldness. It would seem baldness has far more stigma and negative connotations attached to it than say something as trivial as skin colour. 

With this in mind the CUT IT OUT campaign have thrown their backing behind calls for the introduction of the Rooney Rule by the Premier League. ‘We are not saying clubs have to give jobs to the bald’ said Locks. ‘But when interviewing for a manager’s position at least one of those candidates should be hairless. We cannot allow this persecution and exclusion based purely on hair loss to continue. Football has a duty to itself and society as a whole to fight against BALDISM and show that this misguided and ignorant form of prejudice has no place in the modern world.’

SMIFFY's 30th

                                                                     (a true story)

My first ‘proper job’ was at the Valuation Office. Oh yes I sold my soul to the civil service. I worked at the Valuation Office for 8 years before being made redundant. The thing about the civil service is, it employs some very unusual characters. It is not the grey dreary environment you would expect…well it wasn’t at that time.

My best friend at the V.O. was a lad called Kev who was a quite a babe magnet. I was with Kev one night, in a club called Ronaldo’s, when a girl came up to him and asked him if he wanted to go outside, she did not acknowledge that I was even there, it was a common occurrence. Kev looked her up and down and told her he was talking to his friend and pointed at me. (Yes that’s right darling me the invisible man, hello!) She grimaced dismissively in my direction, looking me up and down in a very different way than Kev had done to her, she looked like she had seen a turd. After momentarily being put off her stride she turns back to Kev as bold as brass and says ‘Well it is your call, you can carry on your conversation with gorgeous here' pointing at me (i don't know why... i felt she was being disingenuous) 'but if it helps make your mind up I have no knickers on and I like the taste of spunk!’ Needless to say even though I consider myself a fairly interesting conversationalist, I did not get to continue my chitter-chatter with Kevin that evening.

 To be fair I would have done the same had i been in his position. 

It is quite odd that throughout my life I have had quite a few mates who fall into the category of babe magnet, sums up my luck really I was a magnet for babe magnets! To be fair though I have also had many friends who are just as unfortunate as me in the wooing game. One of those friends was a bald lad at the Valuation Office called Smiffy, Smiffy was one of those blokes who it seemed had  been forever bald  he went bald very early in life and it was hard to imagine he would have ever had hair, even during his school days you would have guessed a ‘Bobby Charlton’ was the only hair style he ever sported... However Smiffy played the main part in one of the funniest nights of my life.

As I mentioned Smiffy was not very successful with the ladies, so in the week leading up to his 30th birthday myself and Kev had a whip round at work and ordered a topless kiss-a-gram for Smiffy. I was very friendly with Chris the manager, at the time, of the legendary Wayward Frog a favourite watering hole for most of Peterborough’s, handsome and pretty, bright young things and I used to go there frequently too. After the ice-rink I definitely had some of my happiest times in The Frog. I had my first snog in The Frog with a woman called Maggie, it was quite lovely, far nicer than I had imagined snogging to be.It is embarrassing to admit but I was a very shy and prissy youth. Anyway these are stories for another day. I cleared it with Chris that we could have a kiss-a-gram in The Frog that Friday but we had to stay in the corner, after all topless women are fine and dandy but only in moderation. Me and Kev thought it would be hilarious to see Smiffy’s face when some bird got her baps out for him. However fate played a hand and a few days before the ‘event’ I bumped into my old mate Percy (the king of the babe magnets Perc got all the girls, no really ALL the girls..we had been born on the same day and had gone through school together other than that similarity were like Ying and Yang).

Percy asked me if I fancied going to the Hospital Club on the Friday as there were a couple of strippers on. Excitedly I said I would as I had never been to a strip show but then I remembered it was Smiffy’s birthday. Percy grinned. ‘That is fine’ he said. ‘Bring him along I will have a word with the manager and we will get Smiffy up on stage for the encore. ‘Fucking hell’ I said. ‘Can you do that?’ Perc went into his Jack-the-lad mode and assured me he could. I told Perc if he could manage that the night would go down in Valuation Office folklore. Ok not a huge statement but folklore is folklore even if it is only within the civil service.

When I got back to work I relayed my conversation, with Perc, to Kev. We then informed the rest of the office apart from Smiffy, obviously, about our plans for the coming Friday (maybe not the best choice of words there, but I am on a roll). I should explain that at the time myself and Kev had our own office, one of the reasons was that we were working on a council tax appeals project…the other was that we were seen as a quite unruly influence in the general office so the powers that be banished us to a room of our own. We were even allowed a radio, the decision to separate us from the office did not work that well as whenever people took a break they came to sit in our office, partake in ribald banter and listen to Simon Bates on Radio 1. 

In the days leading up to Smiffy’s birthday night out, we needed a revolving door. The lads who were coming on the night out kept popping their heads in to make sure they had heard right. Was Smiffy really going to be the unwitting star of a strip show? Perc, had been back in touch with me and had assured me it was all sorted and I passed on this news to my delighted colleagues. Some of the office womenfolk came in to express their concern, they felt a topless kiss-a-gram was good fun but to have Smiffy set up as the stooge in a live sex show was a step too far. Me and Kev tried to look concerned and take their views on board but as we were both rolling on the floor laughing I think the ladies doubted our sincerity! 

I have to be honest here if I thought Smiffy would hate it I would not have done it but I had a good idea he would actually enjoy it. I certainly wouldn’t have! and my view was shared by the majority. Those of us going out that Friday agreed that if the strippers should try to drag any of us up on stage we would, en masse, leave the building at a rate of knots!

Me and Kev spent so much of that week laughing, imagining what was in store for our follically challenged colleague. We were reduced to giggling wrecks when a girl called Di told us that she had heard of terrible things happening on these nights. ‘I have even heard of one bloke who had a lighted candle put up his arse.’ She told us seeming genuinely concerned. I assured her everything would be fine. Perc was in the fire brigade and some of his other firemen friends would also be there. 

Now, you know how it is, sometimes when you really look forward to a night out something goes wrong and the night can never quite live up to expectations. Well the night of Smiffy’s birthday was an exception to that rule.

On that fateful night of pure hilarity, our motley crew of civil servants of various ages and sizes arrived at The Wayward Frog. I had a chat with Chris (the manager) and assured her that we would be as discreet as a group of blokes can be when a girl gets her tits out. There were about 8 of us in total myself Kev and Smiffy. Then there was Paul, Martin, Phil, Mark and Scotney. Scotney was his surname it is funny isn’t it how some people are known by their surname, thankfully I was only ever Gaz or Gazza I would not have been too chuffed with Wrighty!

The night started well for me as Kev (the ladies man) went to wait outside the front for the kiss-a-gram lady to arrive but she turned up at the back Chris let me know where she was and so it was I who went to meet her. Me and a kiss-a-gram had a nice little chat, who would have thought it? And then I took her through and introduced her to Smiffy, his face lit up. 

‘Oh my god lads you are the best friends ever.’ 

The kiss-a-gram proceeded to release her fair sized knockers from the confines of her brassiere and it was at this point I realised Kev was still waiting out the front. I went and fetched him and when we got back to our friends, Smiffy was sat in the corner with a topless woman on his lap. He did seem quite fascinated by the breasts that were before him, he held them like you would expect an antique dealer to handle fine china, he was enthralled and he did not stop grinning. After about twenty minutes the buxom kiss-a-gram lady informed us that she had to go as she had an appointment at the Rugby Club. I was guessing she would be lucky if her assets were treated like fine porcelain in that environment. 

When she had left the loved up birthday boy could not thank us enough we were, according to him, the best friends a man could have. ‘This has been the best night ever’ he said. At that point we told him we had to move on as we were meeting up with Perc at the Hospital Club. 

Smiffy was not impressed when we arrived at the hospital club. ‘We left the Frog to come here!?’ he said. I told him to stop moaning and grab a seat and then added that there were a couple of strippers performing that evening. Smiffy could not conceal his delight and ran and grabbed a table at the front. I met up with Perc, Rocky and Jim. ‘Is it definitely sorted? I asked Perc. He grinned back of course it is he said. During the show it became apparent that Perc had been true to his word. As I stood at the bar I saw blokes chatting to the manager and he, in turn, was pointing to the back of Smiffy’s bald head and laughing. By the time the second stripper had completed her accomplished performance, everyone in the place bar Smiffy, knew that he was soon to be part of the show he had already been appreciating more than most.

So at the end of the night as the rather course comedian/compare, who had earlier in the evening rather unfairly described my friend Rocky as the cunt in the Hawaiian  shirt, returned to the stage we all knew what was about to happen.

The comedian began to speak… ‘So as you all know at the end of the night we usually get a bloke to come up on stage and join the girls for the finale. Well as it happens we have a bloke here tonight who is celebrating his 30th birthday.’ Smiffy started to look around all eyes were on him. The comedian continued. ‘Now this bloke does not usually have a lot of luck with the ladies but tonight that is going to change, he is the bald fella in the black shirt sat right at the front here.’ The comedian pointed at Smiffy who was pointing to his own chest mouthing ‘is it me, is it me?’

‘Yes it is you Smiffy’ bellowed the obnoxious comedian. ‘Now get your arse up on this stage.’

As I have stated before I think most people at this point would experience a degree of anxiety, I myself would have bolted for the door. Smiffy, however did neither of those things, Smiffy jumped from his chair punched the air and ran to the stage with his arms aloft and in doing so he won the crowd. The crowd were chanting ‘Smiffy, Smiffy, Smiffy’ the comedian sat Smiffy down on a seat at the front of the stage before calling the strippers back out. The comedian then shook Smiffy’s hand wished him luck and bid us all a goodnight before handing over to the two ladies.

Smiffy’s shirt was pulled from his body leaving him looking a little similar to the kiss-a-gram from the Frog only she had not been bald. The two strippers then removed their own tops Smiffy was now surrounded by tits and very large tits too it has to be said. The girls then produced a bottle of baby oil that they poured over their tits and over Smiffys head. They the stood either side of him and started battering his head with their heavy oiled up knockers, baby oil was flying everywhere the crowd cheered and Smiffy despite the onslaught punched the air with delight. Much to the amusement of those watching and the slight bemusement of the strippers.

So after the initial onslaught Smiffy did look somewhat bedraggled, what little hair he had was quite skew-wiff, thanks to the boob bashing he had taken moments earlier. The topless ladies now decided to up their games Smiffy’s shoes were removed…then his socks…then his belt…then his trousers. Jesus! Our work colleague was stood before us in only his underpants looking like a fat, pale, greasy Ghandi. It was a terrible sight and then it got worse… one of the young ladies pulled down his underpants before sitting him back down. While one of the women distracted Smiffy by removing the rest of her clothes the other stripper poured baby oil into his socks and set fire to his underpants. She danced around the stage waving the burning briefs like they were the spoils of war. She then handed the baby oil soaked socks back to her now naked friend. The tears were rolling down my face and Kev was having great difficulty in drinking his beer and was spitting it everywhere with each new humiliation that Smiffy endured.

The strippers then lay our naked friend on his back on the stage and one of them began to play with his penis, looking at it disdainfully she flicked it from side to side before spinning it round and round like a helicopter propeller. She then took the baby oiled soaked sock and gently tied it into a loose knot around Smiffys manhood while she tenderly stroked his belly. She then took the two ends of the sock and seemed to take great delight in pulling them tight, trapping Smiffys startled penis! Her actions caused his legs and body to spring up at the same time and he virtually smacked himself in the nose with his own knees! Oh how we laughed.

Smiffy was then rolled onto his front and a candle was produced. Di, had been right, the candle was placed between the cheeks of our, naked and battered, friends arse and set alight. Now I have seen some funny things in my life but the sight of that particular civil servant laying on the floor with a candle burning away between his buttocks is one of the funniest. The crowd broke into a chorus of Happy Birthday. I must add hear that Smiffy was still laughing and was making a grab for tit flesh at every opportunity.

The candle was eventually put out and at that point the dark haired stripper, had I not mentioned there was a blonde and a brunette. The dark haired stripper wandered over to Smiffy carrying his belt, she then turned him onto his back and placed the belt around his willy before pulling him to his feet. At this point something like the Birdie Song started playing and Smiffy was led around the stage by two naked dancing ladies who were leading him by a belt attached to his John Thomas! It was bizarre and hilarious in equal measure, then as suddenly as it had begun, the music stopped and the strippers abruptly left the stage no doubt sick of Smiffy’s groping and his refusal to be embarrassed. Smiffy was left on stage, alone and naked, with his own belt dangling dejectedly from his now disappointed penis. The Smiffy chant died down and a voice from the crowd enquired. ‘Don’t he get a blow job, they usually get a blow job?’

When it became apparent Smiffy would not be getting any oral delights he began to collect his clothes that were scattered willy-nilly about the stage. He pulled on his charred underpants that were little more than a waistband, he battled with his oiled socks and by the time he had put on his trousers and shirt most people had gone home.

Smiffy joined us and once again told us we were the best friends in the world adding that he would remember the night forever. As we walked home we stopped to get a burger and Smiffy was spotted by some of his new fans, a cry of "Smiffy Smiffy" began to echo in the night sky. Like I say one of the funniest nights of my life.

The Caging of George James eBook : Wright, Gary: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

This Earth

 This Earth

this earth in my hands, that muddies my fingers

was women and men, life's history lingers

it is laughter and joy

it is tears and sorrow

of here today and gone tomorrow

of every life that went before

of creation and decay

times of great hardship

and frivolous, joyous play

This earth has seen hatred, desolation, wars and blood

it has seen smiles, camaraderie and a whole lotta love.

Every individual living thing from this earth did come

we never leave we all stay here, perhaps... maybe we're all one,

when our body disintegrates, where do we go

does our light still shine, none of us know

"doubt is uncomfortable, certainty absurd"

Voltaire said that, they were very words

The Caging of George James eBook : Wright, Gary: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

For Four Months

For Four Months

for those four months I had it all,

it was all or nothing,

it was all and then nothing.

it made my heart sing

it made my heart fly

it was never forever

it was... here have the world...

swiftly followed by goodbye

it was magic

it was tragic

it was standing on a mountain top

then a fucking monumental drop

it was dangerous

it was riotous

it was me and you

it was them and us

it was the most addictive ecstasy

then freezing my nuts off through cold turkey

it was church doorways

it was alleyways

it was under street lights

in the middle of the night

it was snowy fields

it was so fucking hot

would it last 

we both knew it would not

it was other peoples houses

it was various hotels

in the moment it was heaven

when the end came it was hell

it was holding on so tight

it all just felt so right

it was 'ain't life grand'

it was, 'don't give a damn'

from the start it was damned

I was blessed to be here

I was touched by your presence dear

it was laughter 

it was smiles

it was so much fun

it was relax don't do it when you want to come

then it was gone

it was forty six going on twenty

it was a wild serenity

it was getting plenty

then running on empty

it was being someone

it was reaching for the sun

it was getting to number one

then being no one with no one

regrets... I have had more than a few

certainly far too many to mention

but my life's been well worth living

as you gave me intimate attention

showed me how good things could be

a world full of joy and vibrancy

all in glorious HD

you gave me the opportunity

to be the man I always wanted to be

a star in my own movie

you moved me

truly

without any endeavour

I will love you forever

you were the sweetest of treats

I would have died for you in a heartbeat

you had me enthralled

then everything stalled...

but reaching that high

was well worth the fall

for those four months, well... I just had it all

 The Caging of George James eBook : Wright, Gary: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

My Mental Health

 In these trying times, our mental well being is increasingly coming under the spotlight with that in mind I just thought I would write about my own experiences with mental health/fitness. Having gone through lots of troubled times myself I think it helps to know, many people go through similar rough patches, where it is difficult to see a way out or make sense of things. It does not mean you are a failure it is part of being human. I am not an expert, just someone who has struggled to varying degrees my whole life. All I can do really is give an insight into the things that have helped me along the way. 

All through my twenties I struggled badly with thoughts of suicide and as a result I had loads of counselling, which kind of numbed those feelings a little.

In my early forties I did a course in hypnotherapy, I became fascinated with how our minds work, especially the relationship between the conscious and sub conscious. I honestly think human beings are all pretty similar and if you can get an idea of why you are thinking the things you're thinking it is a massive help.

So, the first thing for me that is really important is that out minds are miraculous, like a guardian angel. As human beings we like to

feel we are in control, change is unsettling, so whenever we have to experience or learn something new, it is challenging and can cause us anxiety. Our sub-conscious does not want that, it wants everything to be as easy as possible for us, so on many occasions our natural response is to find the easiest and quickest way to stop feeling uncomfortable. This may often involve trying to find ways to not face up to challenges. To make excuses, to run away. (fight or flight)

Think about your first driving lesson, most of us think 'Jesus I am never gonna get the hang of this', so the easiest thing would be to quit. However, because most of us have a strong desire to learn to drive we fight those feelings and push through our doubts and eventually pass our driving test. Now, this is where the miracles start. Imagine trying to forget how to drive, it would be virtually impossible and compare that to all the self doubt most people have after their first lesson. Once we have learned a new task, established a new pattern our subconscious stores it for us so, as with driving, becomes second nature, we no longer feel anxious about it we just do it and that is pretty much the same with every new thing we learn. Learning to walk, riding a bike, driving a car those patterns become ingrained and we no longer have to think about them. That is a really important thing to remember because the subconscious does not distinguish between physical and emotional, neither does it distinguish between positive or negative so we can also establish negative and positive emotional patterns. We can learn a foreign language (positive) and we can learn to smoke (negative). We can learn to be insecure, just as we can learn to be confident these patterns of behaviour become like second nature to us.

I will give you an example, years ago I became infatuated by a woman I worked with, she was married we got friendly and although i would have liked more... that was as far it went. Now for a year I just became the bloke who loved a person I could not have, I wallowed in my own misery, every sodding day I would tell people how sad I was, how much I loved her, how i didn't want to live without her.

So, just like driving a car I established a pattern...I was thoroughly miserable but I knew exactly how I was gonna behave everyday, being unhappy was easy, I did not have to think about it, I knew it would get me attention and just like driving a car it became like second nature to me. Being Gary, the morose loser, was so very easy I didn't have to think about it, my subconscious took care of it. It took me a year to realise that I had to establish a new pattern.

Now during that time I once again contemplated suicide a lot, in fact quite a few people referred to me as Suicide Gaz, these thoughts had plagued me virtually my entire adult life, I guess as far as my sub-conscious was concerned it was an easy way out.

I remember one particular day when I was very low a chap I worked with made me promise him I would not go home and do anything stupid, made me promise that I would be at work the next day. I made that promise and quite obviously i was at work the next day.

This got me thinking, for most of us being strong for other people is much easier than being strong for ourselves, even if we are feeling really shit, if someone needs our help we tend to be there for them. So this caused me to rethink how I saw suicide...I personally do consider it to be a fairly selfish act and in the majority of scenarios I do not regard it as brave. This is not to be disparaging to anyone who has those thoughts as the vast majority of us humans are far more selfish than we care to admit but many of us also have far more courage than we give ourselves credit for, especially when it comes to fighting for or supporting others. When you think you have hit rock bottom and feel like giving up the brave thing is to carry on. If not for yourself then for those around you who love you.

 This is the thought that changed everything for me I stopped thinking in terms of killing myself and instead i asked myself "Gary (as that's my name) do you really want to murder your parent's son, your sister's brother, your Grandma's grandson. Do you really want to take that pain you are feeling now, multiply it and give it to all those people who love and care about you, let them carry it with them all their lives...is that what you want?" I still get very low but that was a game changer for me, if i thought about it in those terms then it made it far more difficult to contemplate, it was no longer an option. That being the case it forced me to seek other methods of getting by, getting through the crap times.

Many of us make the mistake, when things go wrong to waste time wishing things were different, rather than dealing with the way things are. Initially our sub-conscious is always anxious about change so does all it can to avoid it. It is why, break ups, losing jobs, maybe losing your home are so difficult, unwanted change is being forced upon us... but think about it even with positive change getting new jobs, starting new relationships, buying a new home, going on holiday all these things also cause us anxiety. The first day in a new job or a first date are daunting experiences. We have the same uncomfortable feelings but we push through the prize is our motivation. The potential reward makes us confront and overcome our discomfort. 

There is an argument that being happy is a choice, worrying less again is a choice, trying to see the positives being less judgemental, all choices. I absolutely love a quote bt Voltaire "Doubt is uncomfortable but certainty is absurd" It is so true you can only really hate if you have a misguided certainty in your own beliefs. When we find ourselves being particularly opinionated and intolerant we should always remain open to the possibility we may be wrong.

I still get very low, Christ I am 56 I live with my parents, I am single, i have no job and a rapidly dwindling bank account in all the ways that society judges us, i am a failure. When i think of how my life could be better i sometimes wish (well often wish to be fair) that i had more money...that might never happen. I wish i had an attractive woman in my life, that again is a longshot. Sometimes on the really bad days...I wish I was dead... that is absolutely certain to happen one day, it is a given. It will happen so why rush it. Especially when even in the crappiest of times there is always something to make you smile, little miracles happen every day. Sometimes when i am out walking the dog, early in the morning and i am sure there is nobody else around I look at the sky I see birds flying, I look at my dog strutting along full of joy and I just say aloud "Thank you" it is daft but it causes me to smile. The majority of us are also lucky in that we have people in our lives who care about us and who we in return care for too.

Life is complicated and it is tough but at the same time it is intriguing and amazing it is a crazy trip where every destination is temporary. Every ending a new beginning. It is one of our societies many failings that we are conditioned to strive for the illusion of permanence in a world of constant change. To such an extent that every morning we wake up in a slightly different body than the one we went to sleep in. The body we currently inhabit is very different to the one we had when we were a child.

Living in the moment is an incredibly simple concept but takes real discipline to do, it takes real effort to establish a pattern that involves worrying less and seeing worries and problems as challenges and opportunities to grow... but just like driving a car with discipline and determination over time new positive patterns can be established, ultimately becoming ingrained. 

When we feel physically unfit & want to improve we exercise maybe join a gym, we know this will involve hard work. We would not join a gym, do a couple of press up, then grab some chocolate and go sit in front of the telly for an hour. We know we have to push ourselves and that takes determination and discipline. Exercise then becomes a habit, we establish a pattern the more we do the easier it gets.

When we want to improve intellectually, we study, again this involves hard work we do not expect it to be easy. We have to apply ourselves.

Mentally and emotionally we make the mistake of thinking things should be easy and if we struggle, become unhappy we think and in many cases now are told, there is something wrong with us. The majority of the time, there really isn't... it is just the way we have been conditioned by society. We are very harsh on ourselves, very critical quite unforgiving we would never talk to a friend who came to us for help the way we talk to ourselves. ("Pull yourself together" Don't be so pathetic" "Get a grip") They probably would not be our friends for very long if we did. Life is forever giving us emotional and mental challenges, unlike our physical health, we don't have to join a gym, the challenges present themselves on a daily basis and they provide us with opportunities to grow, to become mentally stronger, fitter and to develop emotionally. In the same way our physical finess impacts on our physical health then our mental fitness impacts on our mental health. The difference being society encourages us, as individuals, to take ownership of our physical fitness, whereas currently, in this divisive time of victims and the easily offended, I am not sure the same messages apply to our mental fitness.

 Life is not easy, if it was it would be boring. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.

About five years ago i discovered a book called the Tao te Ching, it is all about seeing ourselves and nature as one, living in harmony with our environment, nature and seeing all life as equal. One of the 81 verses states that in nature every storm, no matter how intense, will pass. It goes on to say that if nature with all it's power cannot maintain such intense storms how then can man? Whenever you have intense feelings always remember they will pass. The sun will shine through the clouds and things will change and 99.9% of the time we cope with those changes.

The Caging of George James eBook : Wright, Gary: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

                                                                               

                             

Racism...The word itself perpetuates division.

 When asked how do you stop racism Morgan Freeman replied "You stop calling me a black man and i will stop calling you a white man." It is that simple.

We are currently living in a time where the words 'racist' and 'racism' have been weaponised, it is a tragedy and one wonders how and why this has happened and where it will  lead. What is fuelling this constant dishonest divisive narrative that all white people are racist, a statement that a few decades ago would itself have been clearly racist. 

Every single one of us regardless of race, religion, colour, age, gender etc, is prejudiced, so conversely every single one of us experiences to greater or lesser degrees forms of discrimination on a regular basis. How did racism become regarded as the most evil prejudice,  and why whenever society makes progress does the definition of racism expand in order to  discover more white racists. Who benefits from that, what does it achieve?

Thomas Sowell said back in 2012 "Racism is not dead, but it is on life support — kept alive by politicians, race hustlers and people who get a sense of superiority by denouncing others as “racists.” Now in 2021 the idea  of racism is no longer on life support it has experienced a complete resurrection, it has risen, some people make a good living choosing to see it everywhere and as a result, sadly, it  is stronger than ever. History shows that forever categorising people together and labelling entire groups as good or evil...righteous or sinful is a questionable course of action.

Witchcraft was not made a capital offence in Britain until 1563 although it was deemed heresy and was denounced as such by Pope Innocent VIII in 1484. From 1484 until around 1750 some 200,000 witches were tortured, burnt or hanged in Western Europe.

Most supposed witches were usually old women, and invariably poor. Any who were unfortunate enough to be ‘crone-like’, snaggle-toothed, sunken cheeked and having a hairy lip were assumed to possess the ‘Evil Eye’! If they also had a cat this was taken a proof, as witches always had a ‘familiar’, the cat being the most common. Many unfortunate women were condemned on this sort of evidence and hanged after undergoing appalling torture. 

Depressingly throughout human history, (just like in the school playground where kids are singled out and bullied), groups of people who share some sort of connection, race, looks, age, nationality, religion have been singled out, hounded abused enslaved and killed on the whims of the powerful directing the actions of the mob.

One of the main ways racism is promoted is by looking back at Slavery, not a rounded and full history of slavery but a laser focus on The Transatlantic  Slave Trade where African slaves were transported to Europe and America. (Conveniently ignoring though the African Tribes who profited by selling slaves captured from rival villages to be transported on slave ships) This in turn allows commentators to condemn all white people as being responsible for slavery. The idea that people today bear some responsibility for the actions of a tiny minority of powerful Europeans 200-400 years ago is absurd. The notion that centuries ago white people were privileged is equally ridiculous. The vast majority of the crew forced to work on slave ships were little more than slaves themselves.

Throughout history the powerful have enslaved the weak. The Roman Empire, The Egyptian Empire, The Ottoman Empire, The British Empire it is a depressing theme, one section of a society grows strong, another section of society suffers.

Then of course we have to remember the appalling way children were treated during the industrial revolution. It is worth noting that the British Parliament passed the Slavery Abolition Act in 1833. The campaign against child labour culminated in two important pieces of legislation – the Factory Act (1833) and the Mines Act (1842). The Factory Act prohibited the employment of children younger than nine years of age and limited the hours that children between nine and 13 could work.

Children in mines, factories, working as  chimney sweeps, were seen as nothing but slave labour.

 https://spartacus-educational.com/Child_Labour.htm

https://spartacus-educational.com/IRtime.htm

https://www.chimneysolutions.com/blog/child-chimney-sweeps/

So how relevant is skin colour when we talk about human rights abuses, how different would things be if we were all the same colour? Sadly today an estimated 40.3 million people – more than three times the figure during the transatlantic slave trade – are living in some form of modern slavery, according to the latest figures. Was skin colour ever a motivating factor when it comes to slavery?

It is hard to keep up with how rapidly the definition of racism is updated and re-interpreted. Only a few decades ago it was fairly simple a racist was someone who chose to hate another person on the basis of nothing more than (and something as irrelevant as) skin colour. The current dictionary definition of racist is :- prejudiced against or antagonistic towards a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized. Which does make the latest crude attempt to divide us, Critical Race Theory and its implication that all white people are racist and white people themselves cannot be victims of racism...seem to be an expression of an idea which is born out of a racist belief?

Key tenets of Critical Race Theory

racism is not an aberration, but rather an essential part of how Western societies operate;

racism is often invisible, perpetrated not by individuals but by a system with inbuilt biases that discriminate against people of colour (POC);

race is a social construct, not a biological one, and can thus be dismantled as a tool of oppression;

calling out instances of racism, no matter how small (microaggressions), is a key strategy in exposing and defeating it;

the dominant ideology of liberalism — which favours individual rights above all else — falsely positions itself as both neutral and natural when in fact it upholds a system that privileges a white elite;

stories of lived experience from POC are a valid and powerful tool for challenging that system;

race is not the only thing that determines identity. Gender, sexuality, abledness and so on all contribute (the thesis of intersectionality);

anti-racialism — the myth of colourblindness, which denies the legitimacy of lived experience of racism — is the enemy of anti-racism;

incremental change is doomed to fail because advances for minorities are only granted when they are in the interests of the dominant group (whites), and are withdrawn when they are not.

The divisive ideology of CRT is slowing creeping into society and into schools this should trouble all fair minded rational people in society. The notion that one incredibly varied race of people are inherently bad and another massively varied race of people are inherently good should have no place in the education system. We should not be teaching our children to hate each other. Recent history shows us that.

https://spartacus-educational.com/Jewish_Children.htm 

We have now reached a stage with racism, where for a white person to disagree with a black person can be termed hateful & racist. Any negative observation can be deemed racist CRT also talks of micro aggressions two examples given are staring at someone but also avoiding eye contact!? Both of these actions can be interpreted as subtle displays of racism. How do these views seek to unite anyone?

At the same time as this onslaught is going on media companies are falling over themselves to give people a platform to tell us all how oppressive, ignorant and flawed white people are... the attacks are relentless and to voice any objection is again proof of racism.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/danabrownlee/2020/06/16/dear-white-people-here-are-5-uncomfortable-truths-black-colleagues-need-you-to-know/?sh=38ec9b3c624e

https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/yes-all-white-people-are-racist-eefa97cc5605

https://www.npr.org/2020/06/09/873375416/there-is-no-neutral-nice-white-people-can-still-be-complicit-in-a-racist-society?t=1626437816073

If these ideas are given credibility then the mob decides who is or isn't a racist. A persons thoughts and intentions become irrelevant, how they are perceived by others is all that matters. This continued weaponisation of the words racism and racist has the potential to make life intolerable for white children in school. If a white boy is beaten up by three pupils of a different race how would a teacher deal with that situation if all three pupils said the white boy had been racist towards them? If a white girl is asked out by a non white pupil could she be called racist if she refused? If we carry on down that road then it soon gets quite frightening. The threat of racism could be used for all manner of coercion, this is not scare-mongering these should be realistic concerns. The Labour leader ignorantly commented in the house of commons recently that refusing to take the knee is racist.  

Added to all this we also have Systemic Racism to combat, an idea that society itself is racist. Look around...if society is systematically racist then it is pretty incompetent in that regard. Within politics, sport, entertainment... in all very visible areas of society there is an absolute wealth of diversity. At some point we have to ask the question what is it the people who shout loudest and most aggressively about racism actually want, because right now it does not feel like it is equality.. and on that point in a society that is and always has been incredibly unfair, where people range from the homeless to the obscenely wealthy and privileged, faced with such an enormous range of parameters, how would we know that all specific groups within that society are being treated equally?

When asked how do you stop racism Morgan Freeman replied "You stop calling me a black man and i will stop calling you a white man."

 It should be that simple but according to CRT that sentiment is racist.

The Caging of George James eBook : Wright, Gary: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store