"Edward NO!"
"What's he doing?"
"He's humping again"
"Oh no what this time"
"Your slippers husband"
"Oh for God's sake"
In the summer of 2006 we were planning, a wedding, a honeymoon and the most painful cut of all for little Ed. Well not so little now Eddie was pretty big for a beagle, we knew he was going to be, he'd been fat...he'd been big boned since he'd been born, his paws were huge in comparison to the rest of him when we had first bought him home, back in January. Gradually we had got Ed's chewing under control. Well after a little spell, where he realised that as he had grown he could now reach the washing line. I would hear the wife yelling when she looked through the kitchen window at the freshly washed clothes out drying on the line, only to se a beagle puppy furiously tugging away at one of her bra's trying to pull it off. They say dogs take after their owners and it was apparent Ed had very similar traits to me. Thankfully Jo's bra's where built with big puppies in mind (34G Happy days) and Ed was unsuccessful in his attempt to get it off and run off with it. Like i said me and Ed had much in common. However after Jo had chastised him a few times he seemed to get the message, he had my sympathies! The wife's vocal chords were as big as her knockers. My theory was that being a hairdresser she had spent her adult life talking (she did talk a lot) over the sound of a hairdryer so her voice was loud at the best of times. When she shouted planes flying overhead experienced turbulence. I often thought if she went out in the garden and shouted Fe Fi Fo Fum the inhabitants of Whittlesey would look nervously skyward for signs of a beanstalk.
So, as I say Ed had gradually got the message about chewing, but had progressed from chewing to humping, he humped his soft toys, he humped towels, cushions on the sofa...he once tried to hump Michael and received a scratched nose for his over enthusiastic sexual impropriety. Nothing was out of bounds for Ed, he would hump anything. I think it was partly why the mother-in-law moved out. It was difficult to concentrate on what was going on in Emmerdale or the streets of Weatherfield while a rampant young beagle was attempting to hump your leg!? In fairness I am using a bit of poetic license there Ed did not tend to hump people, soft furnishings were where his thrusting preferences lay.
Soon to be married life was very full, Jo was a brilliant organiser she did most of the planning for our wedding and booked up the honeymoon, during our relationship Jo booked all our holidays, she was quite a force of nature in that regard. We had regular holidays and weekends away, she made sure we always had something to look forward too. I am always grateful to her for that. I however was left to sort out Eddie's operation, it was such a difficult decision but his humping was not really doing him any favours. I toyed with the idea of leaving it a bit longer but I was thinking along the lines of what you never have you can't miss. It is another decision I regret. Ed was booked in to have the cruelest cut very early in his life. His op was in July and me and the wife were getting married on the first of September.
Little Ed had his operation and was in and out on the same day, obviously he was a little sore but other than that he seemed fine. A couple of days later I came home from work and Jo had three friends round... all male!? Obviously I was not happy Ed was supposed to be convalescing he did not want my missus entertaining a trio of Whittlesey blokes!
"What were you thinking of?" I said after they had gone "Ed is supposed to be resting and we are off to watch a Shakespeare play tonight". The Land Registry had organised a trip to go and see The Twelfth Night at some outdoor venue and I had booked us a couple of seats. "Where is Ed anyway" The wife said he was in the conservatory. When I went to see him I got a real shock he looked terrible, he hardly moved other than to half-heartedly wag his tail. "Has he been like this all day?" Jo said he had been a bit quiet but put it down to his recent op. I was not happy and a bit unsure it was possible it could be because of his op and I knew I was a bit of a worrier. So we initially set off to go to the play, when we got to the bus though I couldn't do it. I told Jo we were going home I wasn't gonna risk leaving Ed on his own for four hours. We rushed back home and I sat up all night with Ed and the next morning we took him to the vets first thing.
Now apparently there is a thing called Beagle Pain Syndrome where the bodies virus fighting cells turn on themselves and this can be triggered by an illness or an operation and that was what was happening to Ed, it isn't very pleasant but it can be treated with a high dose of steroids. Unfortunately for us and especially Eddie the symptoms are very similar to meningitis and Eddie was insured... so the vets told us Ed had to go to hospital and have a spinal tap to rule meningitis out. They initially made no mention of Beagle Pain Syndrome they only told us about that after he had gone through the operation and spent a couple of days in hospital. I was really pissed off, if I had been given all the information I would have insisted they treat him for Beagle Pain Syndrome, especially as it seemed obvious this had all been triggered by me getting him neutered.
Poor Ed had to go on a high steroid dose for around four months, that is a lot of steroids and as I have previously stated he was big before he went on them. I was a bit disillusioned and very annoyed that he had been given painful invasive surgery which I think was unnecessary. I am sure had we not be insured they would not have done the Spinal Tap.
For the first time but not the last I had let him down.
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