I am going to start my story at the end of Eddie's life as I want the story itself to be joyous, hopefully make people smile and (you have to be quite old to appreciate this) give anyone reading a ready brek glow. Sadly I need to get the hardest part out of the way first.
Here goes, this is going to be very difficult to write but it is about time i did it and like I say let's get it out the way then we can go back to the start and have some fun.
CHAPTER ONE - THE END
Eddie Beagle died on the 3rd of January 2013 the number 44 had always been important to me so 3/1/13 had a kind of fatalistic feel to it 3+1 = 4 / 1+3 = 4.
In November of 2012 me and Ed set off on our morning walk, I wasn't the best company, I was still nursing a broken heart and feeling very sorry for myself. In May of that year I had split up with a girl called Kerry the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. The fact that I got to be with her and how absolutely amazing that brief period in my life was, still mystifies me to this day. If I am thinking about her as I die. I will die with a smile on my face. I always think I defied the gods in getting with her, i was never meant to experience anything like that in my life.
Eddie who now resides in my heart has just pointed out that this story is about him, (he was never too keen on Kerry) so back to that November. Eddie always loved his walks, every morning I had to chase him around the kitchen before getting his lead on but for a couple of weeks he hadn't seemed his usual self, he had slowed down a bit, didn't seem to have the same level of enthusiasm.
So we had gone about a mile and Ed was getting slower and slower as were just crossing Donaldson Drive (D is the 4th letter of the alphabet, just as I have always liked 44 I have a thing about DD's too ) Eddie just came to a halt in the middle of the road. After a couple of tugs on the lead it was clear Eddie was not gonna move so I picked him up carried him across the road and started heading back home. Now Eddie was a dog who liked his food as much as he liked walks and as a result he was pretty big for a beagle, some might say fat to me he was always big boned, it made him kinda unique.
Now I am not the strongest, where Eddie was big boned I have always considered myself to have the bones of a sparrow, i am very oddly put together, my bones are incredibly thin, I could never wear a wedding ring because my knuckle was so much bigger than my puny finger that if i got a ring big enough to go over the knuckle it was loose on my wedding digit. For the same reason I could never wear a watch, well not a man's watch, as i have ladies wrists. I think my Mum probably got kidnapped and impregnated by aliens around October, November time 1964 and I am the result of that intergalactic union. I am going off topic a bit here but the point is Eddie was quite a big lump to try to carry and halfway from home I was knackered. In 2011 after a run of bad luck I had moved back home to Peterborough with my parents (probably the biggest mistake of my life) so at this point I put Ed on the ground and rang my Dad to see if he could come and pick us up, which he did.
When I got home I rang the vets, at the time I was still registered with a vet in Whittlesey it is where I had spent my married life, I loved living in Whittlesey and had not got around to changing vets, so I put Ed in the car and we went off to see if they could fix him. Eddie always trusted me at the vets, he was never any trouble despite having quite a few ailments in his relatively short life. Whenever he had to go for his booster jabs I would pick him up put him on the table and he would bury his head in my coat until he had been injected the first time he did this me and the vet got the giggles. As she turned to get the vaccine out of the cupboard Eddie turned and, as I say buried his head in my coat. So when she turned, needle in hand she was presented with his back end "Does he know what is going to happen?" she smiled. "Probably" I replied but as always he was as good as gold. Once the jab was done he emerged from under my coat, wagging his tail and loving life.
So me and Ed got to the vets and I carried him in to the treatment room in order for them to take a look at him. When the vet took hold of Eddie's head and moved it from side to side. Ed let out a howl that the vet interpreted as aggression and he muzzled him before continuing the examination. Eddie's howl hadn't been aggressive he did not have an aggressive bone in his body, big bones yes but not aggressive. He had howled in pain, there was something wrong with the bones in his neck and it was causing him intense nerve pain. That was the beginning of the end for Ed and as time has gone on, I realise, it was the beginning of the end for me too.
In December of 2012 I took Ed off to a specialist animal hospital just outside Newmarket. A place called Six Mile Bottom can you believe? I was worried sick but I was accompanied on the journey by my friend Elaine, which helped keep me calm as like most men I can be the best version of myself, courageous and brave, when in the company of an attractive woman. Once we arrived at Six Mile Bottom Elaine waited in the car while me and my best friend went in to see the specialists. Through the consultation Eddie lay on the floor with his head resting on my foot, i think keeping his head elevated a little, eased the pain. The vet was a very pleasant Spanish chap who had been sent X-rays of the bones in Eddies neck and explained that he needed an operation that would cost £4000 but had a 100% success rate and he told me he had performed 85 similar operations. It broke my heart leaving Eddie behind but at least I had hope now the vets were going to fix him. So me and Elaine drove home she encouraged me that I should be positive and I was, he was going to be fine. I was gonna get my boy back.
A few days later after I received a call from the vets saying the operation had been a success i headed back up the A14 to collect my best mate, my boy, my pride and joy. The poor lad looked very pleased to see me but it was clear he had endured a major operation and he had a huge scar on his neck. They had to perform the surgery going through the front of his neck, I had though they would be going in through the back so it was a bit of a shock he looked like he had, had his throat cut. Still other than looking the worse for wear Ed was really happy to see me. On this occasion it was my Mum who had come on the journey so she could sit in the back with Ed, all the way home she kept worrying, it is where i get it from I think. She kept saying he was holding his head funny, this pissed me off as i just wanted her to be positive I wanted Eddie to be ok. After a couple of days it was clear Ed wasn't ok he wasn't eating and he looked in real pain when he moved I had to carry him outside when he wanted to go to the toilet as he struggled with the step.
Mid December my Dad drove Eddie and me back to the vets. They did some x-rays and said they could not understand what had gone wrong. I was told that they needed to operate again but this time they would only charge me £2000. So once again I had to leave Ed behind, I felt awful I had been with him all his life he had never been on his own and now he was gonna have to go through all this again, once more though I was assured they could fix him.
On the 23rd of December I got the best Christmas present ever. Eddie was doing great, the vets were happy and he was coming home. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day Eddie was on the mend he was back to his usual loving, joyous self. I was so happy so relieved I vowed I was gonna make it up to him for being a miserable self-pitying bastard for the previous six months. The 27th of December Eddie went downhill rapidly, my heart broke, I knew what was coming.
The 30th of December I was going to take Ed to the local vets to have him put to sleep, during his illness I had transferred Ed to Peterborough as the travelling was easier. I was in bits but knew it had to be done, it was clear he was in so much pain. However I got a call from Six Mile Bottom they asked if I would take Eddie back there as they had no idea why the operation had not worked and they wanted to see if there was anything else they could do. So that is what we did, again I got my Dad to take me, i had to have him involved. My Dad is one of those people who though he has many qualities, he is always wise after the event. I had a good idea Eddie was not going to make it. I also knew that once that came to pass if my old man started going on at me about how I should have done this differently and that differently our relationship would be over I would more than likely find myself homeless and most probably on an assault charge.
Once we got to the vets we were met by the highest ranking vet, he had a look at Eddie and told me he had no idea what had gone wrong. Eddie just looked defeated. Now I know vets are good people I also realise to be really good at what you do you probably need a degree of arrogance. As I say I was under the impression that after they had seen Eddie I was going to have to say goodbye but that isn't what happened. The vet, unintentionally crucified me, he shook his head looked at Eddie and said. "Let us do the operation again... free of charge I am sure we can sort this" For me that was professional arrogance speaking the 100% success rate was under threat, I don't think for one minute it was done nastily but he wasn't really thinking about Ed or me. I knew my best friend, the most important living thing in my world had, had enough but what could I say..."No put him to sleep" an expert in his field was once again telling me he could save my dog, so I agreed to another op. As they led Eddie away he turned back to look at me I had never seen him look so sad, I will never forgive myself for putting him through that. He was on his own in hospital over the new year, no doubt with all fireworks going off awaiting yet another op which was carried out on New Year's day. They genuinely tried to save him but they shouldn't have. They should have accepted that for whatever reason on this occasion, with this dog, they'd failed.
So on the 3rd of January after a call from the vets saying there was nothing more they could do me and my Dad went back to Newmarket. I was taken through to an examination room and Dad waited in reception. Apparently while I was waiting they led Eddie through reception and he ran and jumped up and made a fuss of my Dad, causing my Dad to rush back to the car.
My last moments with Ed were spent in a grey dingy examination room in a place called Six Mile Bottom! It was a lovely sunny morning and I always regret not asking for the procedure to take place outside so Eddie could have died with the sun shining down on him, it would have been fitting, due to the fact he brought so much love and sunshine into my life but I didn't I was concentrating so hard on being strong. They gave me five minutes with him where I played with him, lay on the floor with him and told him just how much he had meant to me and I apologised for neglecting him when Kerry had come along. I loved my boy so much he was my best mate my counsellor, he had got me through so many tough times and as I look back a decade on, my life was fucking brilliant while he was in it. He was the catalyst my guardian angel.
I have never divulged this to anyone but when they left me alone with him, I had a Stanley knife in my pocket I was seriously considering slashing my wrists and dying with him. I did not want to leave him on his own and I guess selfishly I did not want to be left alone. Obviously though as I am writing this I did not go through with it, occasionally i wish I had. After 5 minutes the vet and a nurse came back in with a big needle. I held Ed told him I loved him said goodbye and he died in my arms. I took my parka off and said I wanted him to be wrapped in it when they cremated him I said goodbye accepted their sympathies and went back to the car, still managing to hold myself together.
When I got back to the car, I got quite a shock. My Dad was not holding it together he was sobbing, I had never seen him like that. The tears were streaming down his face his nose was running he was in pieces. I asked him if he wanted me to drive home. He declined and began to compose himself. Eddie running up to him in the waiting room had broken him, in his head he had imagined Eddie saying "please get me out of here." We chatted for a few minutes and I once again surprised myself by being strong and saying all the cliched stuff people say when someone you love dies. On the way home I rang my sister and asked her if she would go and collect up all Eddie's stuff I really couldn't face seeing it when I got home. On the drive back Dad started saying 'we' should have done things differently, that the vets were bastards for putting Eddie through what they did. I stayed resolute.
I didn't go straight home I got Dad to drop me in town where I met up with Elaine I spent an hour with her and then caught up with a lad called Ian who i was mates with at the time. I was putting off going home but amazingly I was staying strong and calm. I rang the vet and asked him to ring my Dad, to tell him there was nothing else that could have been done to save Ed. I knew that once I did go home I would not be able to cope with any ranting. I also wanted to give my sister and my mum chance to hide all Eddie's stuff.
When I did eventually go home I walked in the back door and was hit by a tidal wave of emotion it was instantaneous, I have no idea where it came from but with no self control at all I let out this guttural howl (the noise was unlike anything I had ever heard it didn't feel that it could come from a human) and I collapsed. I felt like my body was self destructing, tearing itself apart. I do not expect to ever feel like that again in my life. My Mum panicked and shouted my Dad, who helped me up and got me to my bedroom, where I took four co-codamol knowing they would knock me out. I didn't want to feel anything. While I slept I had a very simple dream. i was looking at a heart, I knew it was my heart. Eddie appeared and went walking over to it and tapped on it with his paw a door opened he walked inside and the door closed behind him.
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